


Silver Lining Apocalypse

by nullviers



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BDSM, Discipline, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Punishment, Rewards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:20:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22027720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nullviers/pseuds/nullviers
Summary: Years after the dead began walking, a woman trudges her way into a house to be alone with her ghosts.  She's followed in by a man whose only companion is the wooden baseball bat he carries on his shoulder.  When a giant herd pushes them towards each other to survive, it becomes an opportunity for him to introduce her to a world she never imagined could still exist.  Together they explore the silver lining of the apocalypse and save each other in a tale of trust, kink, and love.
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 39





	1. First Date

She felt like she had run back-to-back marathons. With every step she took, her legs got heavier and her mouth got drier and her stomach felt emptier. She was so tired, but reality had no compassion to spare these days. Each and every day was a relentless gauntlet of privation and tribulations and the world did not care one bit whether the last of its survivors kept on surviving or fell and rose again to join the ranks of the walking dead.

Elise was beyond tired. Her weariness was now a bone-deep ache which served as her only companion. She told herself to keep putting one foot in front of another, she would soon find a safe place to rest. It was bullshit of course. Safety was a relic from a world which had been destroyed with laughable ease. The best she could hope for was some place out of sight where she could rest up while she tried to convince herself the effort to survive was still worth it.

She’d been walking for days, ever since the truck she and her brother had managed to get running had broken down. She no longer had a truck, or a brother, but still the days kept coming. She’d been keeping to the road during the day and climbing high into the tree branches at night to stay out of sight, and hopefully out of danger. If she didn’t get some actual rest soon, rest which didn’t involve roping herself to a tree branch and half-heartedly hoping it would keep her alive for one more night, she wouldn’t stand much of a chance against the ever-present dangers dogging her every step.

When she had spotted the small neighborhood in the distance, she knew she had to check it out. The house on the corner was still somehow beautiful. It looked like the ones she used to draw and dream about living in before… well… before the world had gone to hell and the dead had started walking.

Nobody lived in houses anymore. The rudimentary barricades and other slapdash defensive structures they’d all scrambled to erect right at the beginning had quickly proven ineffective as the dead took over town after town. Neighborhoods now were almost always deathtraps, either overrun with the dead or else picked clean of anything worth taking. Still, she desperately needed to rest and she wanted to sleep in a bed, goddamnit. She’d settle for a couch, though. Or a floor. Or anything with a roof on top and walls between her and the world outside. If she could just lay in a bed, maybe she could close her eyes and pretend things were like they used to be, just for a little while.

She carefully approached the house and could see whoever had lived there had tried to fortify it at some point. The plywood covering the windows now only served as a testament to the deadly naivety which pervaded those early days, when it seemed like things might go back to normal if only everyone bunkered down and waited it out.

She thought back to the whispered arguments she’d overheard between her parents back in those terrifying and disorienting first weeks. Her father had wanted to leave their home and search for somewhere safer to stay, but her mom had insisted there wouldn’t be anywhere safer than where they already were. After all, they knew the lay of the land and would just need to do a few things to make their house even safer.

Elise smiled as she climbed through a gap in some rotten plywood, the same kind her family had used to try to protect their house. It had done as much good for her family as it had done for whoever had lived here. As she looked around the house, it quickly became clear it had long ago been liberated of anything which could be carried and used to survive. Still, there was a lot of furniture left and it seemed to be in decent enough shape. She began to push the furniture she was strong enough to move on her own to cover up the easily accessible entry points into the house.

The noise attracted a few of the dead from the nearby woods. She quickly took them out with the help of her bow and returned to her work fortifying the house as well as she could. The fact more of the dead hadn’t come out boded well for her. Elise felt a small flicker of hope she’d be able to sleep indoors tonight.

She walked slowly around the room, taking in all the pictures and knick-knacks which had been carefully collected and displayed. They were a perfect shrine to a world which no longer existed. It was impossible to say how long the house had been abandoned, but it was long enough that a thick layer of dust coated most of the items in the room.

As she scanned the room, Elise’s gaze kept getting stuck on an overstuffed couch in the middle of the room until she couldn’t resist it any longer. She collapsed down onto it, her entire body falling onto the cushions. Dust particles immediately jumped into the air and she watched as they swirled and danced, their frenzied movement illuminated in the broken sunbeams which crept through the cracks in the wood nailed over the windows. There was a blanket draped over the back of the couch and Elise sat up to shake out some of the dust. It smelled musty, but despite this, when she wrapped it around herself it felt comforting.

Wearing the blanket as a cloak of sorts, Elise walked to the mantle mounted on the wall behind the couch and began examining the photographs on it. As she gazed down at them she wondered briefly who the people were, where they were now, or if any of them were still alive. Her thoughts drifted to everything which had happened since she had left her own house, the memories weighing heavy on her. These rare, calm and quiet moments provided her only opportunity to stop worrying about her immediate survival and gave her the chance to process through the litany of traumas this new world imposed with impassive regularity.

The quiet of the house let her head fill with the echoes of her parents’ arguments.

* * *

“I just don’t understand,” her mother choked through her tears. “Why hasn’t anyone done anything yet? We shouldn’t still be waiting. The national guard was supposed to show up weeks ago. They were supposed to help us!”

Her father replied in a quiet voice, equal parts terse and pleading. “Julia, I keep telling you they did show up. Every time I go out there I see them in their uniforms, shuffling along with the rest of those things. Whatever they were going to do didn’t work. No one is coming, and if we stay here much longer we’ll become infected just like everyone else you see out there. We’re the last ones left in town, Julia. Walter left a note at the Quick-Mart saying he was taking his family to Richmond and I think we should follow them.”

Her mom shook her head and began to cry harder. “We can’t. We can’t just go out there. It’s not safe!”

At that her father lost any pretense of calm shouting, “Damn it, we’re not safe here! We’re running out of food and more of those monsters show up everyday. We have to leave while we still can.”

As if to emphasize his point, the windows and door started rattling as the dead tried to move closer to the source of sound.

* * *

Lost in her thoughts and preoccupied with the rising tide of grief inside her, Elise didn’t hear the very faint rattling of a door opening in another room of the house, her mind lost in a completely different time. She had dropped her guard so fully, she didn’t even hear the man as he stealthily approached. It was only when he cocked his gun behind her and commanded “Hands where I can see them!” she realized she was in trouble.

Elise jumped, abruptly torn out of the past and back into the present. The blanket she had draped around her shoulders dropped to the floor in a heap when she instinctively started to turn and face the threat.

“Ahh, ahh, ahh,” the voice sounded again. “Don’t turn around til your hands are in the air. I would hate to blow your brains out over a simple misunderstanding, but not as much as I’d hate to get mine blown out because I didn’t take simple fuckin’ precautions.”

Elise froze before slowly moving her hands, reaching them above her head.

“Perfect, that’s just perfect, sweetheart. I do so love it when everyone’s got their fuckin’ listening ears on. Now then, keep your hands up and slowly turn around and face me. If there’s anyone else in the house or anyone you’re expectin’, you’re gonna want to tell me. Fair warning, my trigger finger is feelin’ itchy. I don’t react well to unexpected company on the best of days, and believe me when I say today is not the best of days.”

“ _No shit_ ,” Elise thought as she fought to stem the panic threatening to overwhelm her and face down this new danger with a clear and calm head. She tried to assess the situation and decide on a course of action, but it was proving difficult with her back to the enemy and no way to gather any more information. 

As she tried to decide whether she should comply with his demands or try to take him off guard and rush him with the knife which had served her so well in the past, a darker part of her mind piped up, trying to stop her. “ _What’s it matter?_ ” her dark side taunted her. “ _You’re all alone, the world has gone to hell and every day brings nothing but fresh terror and pain. Who cares if this guy kills you? At least then it would be over. Quick and clean._ ”

She imagined what it would be like if the stranger did put a bullet in her brain. Would it hurt? Would she even know it had happened? Then, as quick as the thoughts about an easy death had come to her, they were replaced with ones of her father, her mother, her brother, and the others that she had met along the way but who were no longer here. So many had died helping her. She couldn’t just give up now. 

Elise steeled herself to fight, but she still had no idea what to do. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she rambled under her breath, unaware she was even speaking out loud.

The stranger once again spoke, interrupting her violently see-sawing thoughts and hushed ranting.

“As much as I appreciate a good swearing session, I’m gonna need you to turn around and answer my questions. I’ve got this weird thing where I really like it when people do what I say. And you know? Things tend to go better for everyone involved when they do.”

“Yeah, yeah. I heard you Ceaușescu. Keep your pants on.” Elise tensed as she prepared to turn around, making sure she kept her hands high in the air

“Chow-what? Actually, you know what? I don’t even want to know. It didn’t sound like a compliment and I’m much more interested in the fact that pants off is an option. I had no idea we were havin’ that kind of party, but I’ll follow your lead here doll. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, if you catch my drift.”

Elise scowled, biting back the angry retort which was ready to tumble from her lips. She needed to play nice so she would have the time to take stock of the situation and come up with a plan to show him exactly what kind of party this was. It sounded like he was armed and not unwilling to take her down, so the first step was finding a way to gain an advantage.

“One thing at a time, pal,” she joked with him, wanting him to think he was warming her up with his banter. If she could get him to drop his guard even for a second, it would be all the opening she needed. “Right now, I’m showing you my hands, way up in the air just like you asked.” She moved to turn around and continued narrating her actions, hoping to prevent him from acting impulsively. “And you can see I’m turning around.”

“Ohhh yes I can, and I gotta tell you, it really tickles my balls to see how well you can follow directions.”

Elise tensed at his words. All of his sexual innuendos were making her nervous. She hadn’t met more than a handful of people on the road, but it was clear survival of the fittest was the order of the day. If she wanted to walk out of this alive, she’d have to be smart about this. She still had her gun strapped to her hip, but this guy already had the draw, so for now she needed to play along. 

“Just keep doin’ what you’re doin’, doll. You’re doin’ great. Keep turnin’ and let me get a look at that gorgeous face of yours. Also, you’re gonna need to answer my questions now. Is there anybody else in the house or anyone outside the house you’re expectin’ back soon?”

Elise was facing him now, but shut her eyes as she tried to think. She knew it was the worst thing she could do, giving him the upper hand, but she needed to collect herself before facing him. Fear was coursing through her with her life on the line. Fear was healthy, but panic was deadly. She couldn’t afford to face the intruder down while panicking so she kept her eyes shut and fought for control against the adrenaline flooding her body. Truth or lie? Truth or lie? Tell him that she was alone or try and scare him off with the threat of more people? Which was more likely to get her shot?

“Don’t go cold on me now, sweetheart. You were doin’ so good. Just tell me if I’ve got you to myself or if we’re expectin’ company,” he insisted, interrupting her frenzied thoughts. Her mind froze, unable to properly evaluate the best course of action. She still had her eyes closed, but she could hear the smirk in his voice. She heard the click of a hammer pulling back, knowing his gun was cocked now. “No more stallin’, doll. I’m startin’ to get impatient.”

“A-alone. I’m alone,” she blurted out. She really hadn’t made a conscious decision to tell him the truth, it just spilled out when she opened her mouth.

Her eyes determinedly shut, she heard him take a few steps forward. She had done the same thing when she was little and feeling scared of the dark. She’d close her eyes tight and tell herself there was nothing to be scared of, there weren’t really any monsters trying to get a hold of her. It had been the truth back then, but now there were monsters everywhere. Outside, walking around with the faces of dead people, and quite possibly a few steps away from her, aiming a gun at her.

“Good girl. You’re doin’ so good, tellin’ me the truth. Now I’ll tell you somethin’ true in return, just as a little reward. I know you’re alone because I’ve been followin’ you for a day or two. Watched you come in here and thought I’d come in and introduce myself.”

Elise flinched, squeezing her eyes shut even tighter. He’d been following her, stalking her. This wasn’t just a chance encounter. He’d planned this whole thing and now she was really and truly screwed.

“ _This is what I get_ ,” she chastised herself, “ _for thinking things couldn’t get any worse. For wanting to take the easy way out. The world doesn’t work that way any more. There is no easy way and now I’m fucked. Whatever this guy wants can’t be good but he’s got the draw on me and I don’t know what to do._ ”

She knew if she reached for her gun now, he could take her out before she even got it out of the holster, but it was her best chance to get away. If she didn’t do something now, she probably wouldn’t get another chance.

“Shit. I’m scarin’ you. Here I am trying to be nice and I’m scarin’ you. I mean, I’m tryin’ to be safe too. You know how it is, gotta look out for yourself, right doll? But I can see you’re scared shitless right now. Since we’re both bein’ so honest with each other, I’ll tell you one more true thing.”

He paused for several seconds, and Elise focused on listening. There had been a slight change in his voice with his last statement. He had sounded less cocky and commanding and more concerned, as if he truly did feel bad for scaring her. Predators didn’t display concern for their prey, but maybe it was a ploy to lull her into a false sense of security to make her an easier target. She tried to sense exactly where he was and where his gun was just by listening. It wasn’t really working, but it helped to channel her attention to something other than the primal fear which was threatening to take over her whole body.

“I’m not gonna hurt you. Not unless you do somethin’ stupid to make me need to hurt you.” 

His words and his tone suggested he wanted her to trust him, but Elise’s focus was drawn to the fact he was willing to hurt her. His voice sounded almost soothing now, as if he was trying to calm her down, but it was having the opposite effect as her mind raced to properly evaluate the threat she was facing. She just wanted to get away. As if seizing upon the clarity of action of the thought, her legs began moving, trying to back away. She was almost immediately stopped in her tracks when her back hit the mantle which held the pictures she had lost herself perusing.

“Fuck!” she spat out, knowing she had trapped herself, increasing her vulnerability. The impact of her shoulders hitting the wood had jolted her out of the confusing battle between fight or flight. Flight wasn’t an option so it was time to fight. Her eyes snapped open, and she finally faced her stalker, the man who loved to hear the sound of his own voice. The man who would hurt her if he “needed to”. 

Elise was surprised to find he didn’t look at all like the monster she had pictured. He sported dark hair and a thick beard, both of which looked reasonably clean and trimmed. A red bandanna was tied around his neck resting on the collar of his black leather jacket. Her scrutiny came to a screeching halt when her eyes landed on the gun he had aimed at her. He didn’t have it pointed at her head, but was aiming it steadily at her torso.

“Now we’re gettin’ somewhere. Don’t know why you were fuckin’ hiding those gorgeous baby blues from me, but I’m glad we can both see each other now,” he quipped.

While she glared at him, her hands -still above her head- curled into fists. Elise might not be able to get a shot off before he would, but if she rushed him she might be able to take him by surprise and possibly knock his gun out of his hand. What the hell would she do then, though?

“Easy, easy there doll. I can see how you’re lookin’ at me now and I don’t like it. You wanna be careful how you look at me. I told you what happens if I get nervous. So you tell me, how are we gonna do this, the easy way or the hard way?”

Elise stared back at him, doing everything she could to not lose her cool but she wasn’t completely able to stop a look of incredulity from passing across her face. This guy stalked her in the woods, followed her into the house, threatened her, and now was acting like everything would be completely normal if only Elise would stop making it weird.

Elise took a deep breath, trying to calm herself and replied coolly, “It would help if I knew what you’re trying to accomplish, here. What exactly do you want from me? Why exactly have you been stalking me?” 

The man ran the hand that wasn’t holding the gun through his hair and gave a deep, almost abashed chuckle.

“Excuse the shit outta me, I guess I really need to work on my introductions. Why don’t you try this one on for size, doll? There’s a huge goddamned herd coming this way and you won’t stand a chance out there. I’ve got a safe house a few miles away and I’m here to whisk you the fuck away to safety. What do you say?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First attempt at fanfic, so any feedback is warmly welcomed. This story has been rolling around in my head for a while now and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, so I figured I may as well give in and try writing it down. Hope you enjoy.


	2. Deal With The Devil

The man looked expectantly at Elise, as if all that was left to do was for her to thank him, take his hand, and skip out into the woods with him. 

“Did you hear what I said? There’s hundreds of those things, fuck maybe even a thousand, and they are headed our way. Are you comin’, or what?”

Elise continued to study him, at a complete loss for words. Was he honestly expecting her to walk out with him on her own accord?

The man swaggered in place, swiveling his hips and shoulders in some kind of absurd lean as he hounded her, very dramatically, for a response. “I go to all the trouble of comin’ in here to warn you about a huge fuckin’ herd headed your way, offerin’ you a safe place to hide out, and you can’t even respond to me?” He moved closer, invading her personal space. “People these days! No fuckin’ manners at all.”

Elise closed her eyes again, not trusting herself to keep from glaring. 

“Aaaand now you’re shuttin’ down on me again.” The man pinched her chin gently, reiterating in a calm, assertive tone, “We don’t exactly have a lot of time here, doll. You need to make a choice.”

Furious he had touched her, Elise’s eyes snapped open. She jerked her chin out of his grip, finally exploding, “Are you insane? You sneak up on me, pull a gun on me, threaten me, tell me that you’ve been stalking me for days, then spout out some bullshit about a herd, and now you want me to just drop everything and follow you to god knows where? Not happening, asshole! I’m not going anywhere with you!”

Her stalker still had his gun pointed at her, so she kept her hands in the air but leveled a fierce look at him. She could feel her face heating up. She shifted her weight so she was standing on the balls of her feet, readying herself for the fight she was sure was about to erupt.

He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. “You will die if you stay here.”

“Like I won’t die if I go with you? I’d rather take my chances with the gargantuan herd you’re so sure is out there.”

“Well, goddaaaamn, we’re really gonna have to do this the hard way, aren’t we? I can see that I’m not gettin’ through to you, so let’s shake some things up, see if we can’t get ourselves on better terms.”

Elise braced herself, sure he was about to shoot her. Instead, he began to pace back and forth in front of her, keeping his gun pointed in her direction, though not actively aiming. Elise began to inch her left hand down towards her holster, hoping to take advantage of his momentary distraction. 

Unfortunately he caught the movement immediately, and she froze when he threatened in a deadly calm voice, “Ohh, you really don’t wanna do that. Reachin’ for that gun would be a very fuckin’ stupid thing to do. As a matter of fact…” He stopped talking but stalked towards her, reaching out and pulling her gun out of its holster and sliding it across the floor out of reach. Looking her in the eye he questioned, “Do you have any other weapons on you?”

Elise bit her tongue and swallowed down the “Fuck you,” that was desperately trying to sneak past her lips.

“Fine, I was tryin’ to be a gentleman, but I guess we’re gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way.” With that, he roughly spun her around and against the wall. Placing his gun at her temple, he began to pat her down for other weapons. He was quick and perfunctory with his movements, clearly checking for weapons and not trying to feel her up. After he had taken away her spare magazine, and the knife strapped to her thigh, he stepped back from her. “You can turn back around now.”

Elise reluctantly turned back to face him and he gave her an approving nod. Then he did something that really surprised her. “We’re not gettin’ anywhere like this and whether you believe me or not, there is a herd headed this way, so let’s try this one more time.” 

With that, he stepped even further back and slowly moved to place his own gun into the holster on his belt.

Elise looked from the man’s face to his gun, not quite believing what she saw.

“Don’t look so shocked. I told you I was here to help you, so let’s get this show on the road.”

Elise slowly lowered her arms, half expecting the man to pull his gun back out in response. “I appreciate you putting the gun away, but there’s still no way I’m going anywhere with you.”

“Unbe-fucking-lievable. Are you always this stubborn or is today a special occasion?”

Elise was unmoved by his response. She was starting to believe there was a very real chance she’d be able to walk away from this unscathed and was not interested in lessening those odds by going anywhere with him.

“I didn’t get this far by taking stupid risks. And following you? That’s a seriously stupid risk. I don’t know anything about you other than you’ve been following me, you’re a lot bigger than me, and seem perfectly willing to hurt me. Maybe there is a herd out there, but I can’t go with you. Too big a risk.”

He sighed in exasperation, but his tone was patient and understanding.

“I hear what you’re saying, I really do, but if I wanted to hurt you, why would I go to all the trouble of gettin’ you to follow me? We both know you’re alone. This cabin is in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere, so there’s no need for me to move you somewhere else if all I wanted to do was hurt you.”

“There’s a hundred reasons,” Elise immediately countered. “Maybe you’re a scout for a group and you’re here to lure me back to be part of some harem or something. Maybe you’re a cannibal and you want me to follow you so it’ll be easier to use my meat once you kill me. Maybe you’re part of some sort of labor camp set up and you’re looking for fresh blood. Maybe you’re just bored and you enjoy fucking with people. Maybe you-”

“Ok, I get it.” He waved his hand to silence her and grimaced. “Thank you, that was very illuminatin’. You just had all that on the tip of your tongue, didn’t even have to think about it, huh? That is some fucked up shit.”

Elise was careful not to glare at him after he had reacted so poorly to the last one, but she set her shoulders back in determination and fixed him with a suspicious stare she hoped conveyed the multitude of reasons he was untrustworthy.

The man sighed and leaned back slightly when he said, “Look, I know you have no reason to trust me, but I truly am tryin’ to help you.” 

He met her eyes and smiled, sucking on his teeth and continuing to gaze at her as his tongue poked out of his mouth.

“Come on darlin’, you know you want to come with me. It could be so good for both of us.”

Elise couldn’t hold her tongue any longer. “That, that right there. You see where it might be a little difficult for me to want to come with you, to trust you when you’re doing shit like that?”

His grin didn’t falter even for a second.

“You really need to lighten up. We’re just talkin’. And in case you didn’t notice, I’m tryin’ to be a good guy here.”

“Yeah, you’re a real knight in shining armor. Look asshole, I-”

“Negan,” he interrupted again.

“What?”

“Negan. My name is Negan. As charmin’ as it is to hear you call me asshole instead, I thought you might like to give my actual name a try.” 

He was still smiling, like this was the most fun he’d had in ages.

“Fine, whatever. Negan, then. I can’t remember the last time I even talked to another human being, much less needed some man for anything .” Elise tried to imbue the word with the appropriate level of meaning so this guy would understand he was barking up the wrong tree.

“Is that right? You must really be achin’ for it then.”

Without even thinking about it, Elise crossed the small distance between them and moved her hand to smack across his face, hard. Negan’s reaction was just as fast and reflexive. In a flash he had her pushed against the mantle, his gun back out and next to her temple.

“Get your hands back in the fuckin’ air.”

Elise held her breath and did as he said. Meanwhile, Negan took a deep breath and moved back a few steps so he was no longer flush against her. He kept his gun trained on her with one hand and ran the other across his face where she had struck him. He seemed to be thinking something over. His grin reappeared.

“I’m gonna give you that one, sweetheart. First one’s free. I get it. You’re having a tough day and this is a lot, but you will _not_ hit me again. Do you understand?”

Elise nodded, slowly and seriously.

“You’re gonna want to speak when spoken to. Do you understand?” He enunciated each of his last three words slowly and deliberately, making the question sound like a severe decree.

“Yes,” she bit out, not wanting to press her luck any further.

“Good, that’s good. Someone’s still got their listenin’ ears on. Now then, we are wastin’ time. If you want to stay and become walker chow, be my guest, but if you’re up for going a few more rounds with this world, we should get goin’.”

When Elise remained silent, Negan cursed quietly before taking a step forward, not close enough to be in range of her fists, but close enough to catch her eye. He made sure she saw as he placed his gun back into its holster.

“I don’t know how else to say I’m really just tryin’ to help you.” Negan held his hands out beseechingly in a gesture which was half shrug, half placation. “Maybe I haven’t made the best first impression and that’s on me. It’s been a while since I’ve done this whole socializin’ thing. But I’ve been watchin’ you the last couple of days.”

He quickly cut off the response Elise was ready to spit out in reply to that. 

“ _Not_ in a creepy stalker kind of way. I was just tryin’ to figure out if you were a threat or not. And you are dangerous, that’s for damn sure, but you’re also all alone. Just like me..." Negan paused to give time for his words to fully sink in. "You need to understand there is a metric fuck ton of trouble coming this way and hear me when I tell you all I'm tryin’ to do is to help you." 

He stopped again, searching for the right words and hoping what he was saying would resonate. "Please come with me. At least until the herd has passed and then we can go our separate ways if that’s what you want." He could see the moment she started to seriously consider taking him up on his offer and tried to subtly push her to commit to the choice by using the gentle voice he used to use when one of his subs had dropped and needed to be pulled back up. "So what do you say, sweetheart?”

Elise bit her lip and looked at Negan, trying to analyze the man in front of her. In addition to the leather jacket and red bandana she had seen before, he wore a dark t-shirt, heavy cargo pants, and big black boots. All his clothes looked comfortable as well as practical and were in reasonably good condition. He also looked clean in a way that someone just barely getting by definitely wouldn’t. Clearly whatever set up he had wasn’t half bad. 

The question was, was he really alone like her, or was he trying to lead her head first into a trap? Elise was usually pretty good at reading people and her gut was telling her Negan was being earnest. It was also telling her he was a grade-A asshole, but not in a monstrous way as much as a macho alpha male kind of way. She’d had enough experience with those kinds of guys back in the good old days to know they were annoying, but ultimately harmless. His story about being on his own also seemed plausible, given how bad he was at acting like a normal human being.

“Why? Why bother doing any of this?," she finally asked.

Negan shook his head in a minute movement, seemingly at pains to explain his apparent benevolence. “Fuckin’ basic human decency? I know there’s a shortage of it at the moment, so you might find it hard to believe. We’re all at the mercy of a fucked up world these days, but someone helped me right at the start, and there were a few others who helped me stay alive after that. I’m sure you’ve helped people when you could, and been helped in return. The world may have gone to shit, but we still have to look out for one another when we can, right? And you seem like you could really use some help at the moment.”

If he’d been watching her for a few days like he claimed, he would have seen how weary she was, how despair was starting to creep in more and more. Maybe he really did want to help. His words had the ring of truth to them and Elise was taken aback by his sincerity. He spoke without a hint of sarcasm or jocularity and she felt herself inching closer to accepting his offer.

“Not that you don’t seem like an absolute badass with beach-ball-sized lady nuts who can take care of herself, but the way I figure it, is it’s us against those dead fucks so we gotta stick together.”

Just like that, he was back to normal, but the slightly vulgar addendum somehow made his initial explanation seem even more sincere.

Elise chewed her lip and then asked, “You’re not worried I’ll fuck you over first chance I get?”

Negan shrugged, but gave a considered answer. “You could try, but I’m a very careful man.” He leaned in closer to say his next the next bit directly in her ear. “And I don’t think you’re gonna try anythin’. In fact, I think you’re startin’ to like me.”

He pulled back and flashed her that toothy grin that was already becoming a familiar sight. Elise rolled her eyes and leaned back against the wall to put some distance back between them and decide what to do. Surprisingly enough, Negan gave her space to think and didn’t try to interrupt or rush her.

Finally, she looked back to him and said, “Elise.”

Negan grinned. “Now we're gettin' somewhere. Can I take that as a yes, Elise?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Oh sweetheart, I know you can give me a nicer answer than that. What do you really want to say to me?”

She opened her mouth fully intending to tell him to fuck off, but what came out instead was a quiet and sincere, “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I’m doing, but boy is this happening. Thanks for reading!


	3. Trust Issues

Negan clapped his hands together and declared, “Now that is what I like to hear. My place is a bit of a trek from here, so let’s not hang around.”

Elise bit her lip and nodded, clearly trying to psych herself up for what she was about to do. Negan observed her as he moved to collect the weapons that he’d previously cast aside. The woman had olive skin and very short dark brown hair. There was a thin, pink scar passing through her right eyebrow and continuing down an inch or two below her eye. Whatever had happened to create it must have hurt, but mercifully it didn't seem like it affected her eyesight. Her heavy clothing looked like it was covered in a layer of dirt and he could see patches sewn on in a few different places on the pants and shirt. Her hiking boots had also seen better days, but they looked like they were holding up well enough to get through the woods without any issues.

The woman herself seemed as worn out as her clothing. There were bags under her eyes and though she was alert and fiery, Negan could tell she was weary in ways that physical exhaustion alone couldn’t account for. He had spotted her a few days earlier when he was out hunting early in the morning. His attention was very finely tuned to all the noises of the forest, on the look-out for deer when he’d heard rustling high in the trees. From his hidden vantage point, he watched as a young woman threw down a backpack and then climbed down the tree after it.

Negan was wary, as he always was when he saw people these days. He’d given the whole cooperative survival thing a brief go at the start and had come away from it knowing that people needed to be treated with extreme caution. There were still some good folks out there sure, but these days he considered everyone an enemy until he had direct evidence otherwise. He was careful to keep himself hidden as he spied on the mystery woman, trying to determine if she was some kind of scout or otherwise a threat.

He watched her long enough to feel confident that she was capable of taking care of herself having seen a multitude of evidence of her prowess with weapons and intelligence in the ways she handled herself while traveling alone. But it had also seemed like she was fighting with herself almost as much as the world around her. She seemed in desperate need of catching a break.

Negan was deeply conflicted about whether or not he should step in to offer her some help, but when he caught sight of the massive herd headed their way, his mind was made up for him. She seemed reasonably well-adjusted and sane if a little lonely and he was in a position to do a good thing. Back before the world had gone to hell, he’d been pretty good at helping people. Or at least good at caring for them and giving them what they needed. When he saw the woman break into a house he had previously cleared and scavenged, he followed her in, mulling over how to introduce himself and make the offer. Things didn’t go as well as he’d planned, he could admit that, but everything had ultimately worked out. He felt a brief surge of satisfaction at the thought he hadn’t completely lost his touch.

Elise held out her hand for her gun and Negan mentally steeled himself for the argument he knew was about to kick off. He smiled at the woman who looked like she was barely keeping herself from glaring at him and said, “I’m gonna go ahead and hang on to all of these for now, honey. Nothin’ personal, but I think it will help us from gettin’ distracted while we’re out there.”

Elise narrowed her eyes and squared her shoulders, quickly making it clear that things were not going to be that easy. She stared him down and said in a deadly quiet voice, “ I don’t go anywhere without my weapons in my hand. ”

“A woman after my own heart. I respect the hell out of that, but like I said, we’ve got a bit of a trek back to my place and I’ll have my hands full tryin’ to keep an eye out for walkers. I can’t afford to be worryin’ about what Little Miss Badass is up to at the same time.” He kept smiling, hoping a little kindness would help her see he wasn’t trying to fuck her over with this.

“You’re insane if you think I’m about to go anywhere with you without a weapon in my hand to protect myself. Stepping out there completely defenseless would be the height of stupidity. and you know it” To emphasize her point, she sat on the floor and looked up at him. The look she gave him clearly said “Your move” and the unspoken words hung heavy in the air.

Negan ran a hand through his hair and fought to stay patient. “Honey you are makin’ things very difficult right now.”

Elise crossed her arms and leaned back further, seemingly unwilling to budge. Unfortunately for her, Negan also wasn’t about to change his mind. He knelt down in front of her and sucked on his teeth as she met his gaze. They both stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, neither willing to be the first one to look away.

Negan broke the silence by saying in a quiet and almost pleading voice, “I get that this sucks, but we do not have time to keep doin’ this dance. I’m goin’ and I’m bringin’ your weapons with me. You can either stay here and give those dead fucks my best or you can come with me.”

As he moved to stand up, he heard Elise say through gritted teeth. “You can try.”

Knowing she would follow if he walked away with her weapons, Negan elected to ignore her and headed back towards the door he had come in through. Just as he’d expected, Elise jumped up and moved to follow after him, but before either of them could continue the argument they both froze as a breeze blew through the house and the terrible scent of rot and decay was carried in with it.

“Shit.” Elise sucked in a breath and looked to the sky. The smell that was beginning to permeate the room was unmistakably that of walkers. And if the scent was this strong while they were still out of their line of sight, there must really be a herd as big as Negan had described. He was right. They didn’t have time to stand around and argue.

Negan looked back at the spitfire of a woman and saw as the realization hit her that he had been telling the truth. “Yeah. Shit.” He said it sardonically and with just a hint of a smirk. “Like I said, doll, time to fuckin’ go.” He was gratified to see her follow behind him without any further comment.

As Negan stepped through the door, he picked up the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire that he’d left leaning against the wall and turned around to face Elise as he hefted it over his shoulder. He let out a deep breath and barred the doorway with the bat, holding it across the threshold to block Elise’s path out. He let out a breath and hoped what he was about to say would help to soothe her nerves.

“Listen. I know how tough this is, and I appreciate what you’re doin’. Once we’re out of the woods, literally and figuratively, you’ll get all your weapons back. And in the meantime, I’m gonna look out for you. You don’t have to worry about anythin’ as long as you’re with me, okay? I promise I will protect you.”

Elise wouldn’t meet his eyes and adjusted her backpack as she stared determinedly at a point directly next to him, but refused to actually look at him. “Yeah, whatever. Let’s just go.” Negan had missed the knife tucked into a sheath inside her boot when he had patted her down for weapons and the comforting weight of the blade was the only reason she was willing to follow him out of the house.

Negan wanted to say more, to reassure her, but he ultimately decided to keep his mouth shut. He swung the bat back around to his shoulder and led the way away from the small neighborhood and into the woods.

As they walked, Negan made a few attempts at small talk, but Elise’s monosyllabic replies were enough to convince him that silence was the best way to go. It was probably for the best given the reality of the situation and the importance for both of them to be on their toes. The fact that he could feel how upset Elise was and felt every one of her angry replies rip into him might have also factored into the decision.

When he heard the unmistakable sound of a walker coming towards them from up ahead he was almost relieved for the distraction. He headed towards the noise, pausing only long enough to look back over his shoulder and say, “You’re gonna want to see this, doll. I guarantee you’ve never seen somethin’ as sexy as my girl Lucille here in action.”

Elise stared after him as Negan winked, brandished his bat, and moved towards the walker. She tried to stay close, feeling nervous and wishing she had her gun. The underbrush was getting thicker and she had to pause to untangle herself from a patch of thorns. Up ahead she could hear the sound of a heavy impact followed almost immediately by a triumphant whoop, “Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Damn, isn’t my girl good?”

She stepped through the brambles and could see Negan turning to look at her, wielding his bat proudly. “I know. Pretty fuckin’ awesome right? It’s okay if you’re speechless.” He swung the bat around, clearly enjoying the weight of it in his hands and Elise opened her mouth to say something scathing. Before she could say a word, a couple more walkers broke into the clearing, heading towards them from multiple fronts.

Negan immediately turned towards the source of the noise and positioned himself to take down the nearest walker. Even as he swung his bat at the thing’s head, he took stock of the situation and shouted directions to Elise.

“They’re comin’ from the opposite direction of the herd, so we’re not completely fucked yet. Must just be some stragglers. You get up in one of them trees and I’ll get rid of them so we can keep goin’.” He didn’t break his stride or bother looking back to make sure she did as he said. He was utterly confident that she was going to listen and he had his hands full as he moved from walker to walker, taking them down.

Elise watched, completely entranced with the way he moved and the power he was able to put into every swing. It was kind of terrifying, but she was transfixed by the sight of the bat moving with a precise and deadly grace. How many walkers must he have killed to have distilled his killing blows into what was practically an art form? Even as she felt begrudgingly impressed, she was also frustrated at her own inability to be any help whatsoever. Here Negan was taking on a whole pack of walkers by himself and all she could do was climb up a tree to stay out of trouble, exactly as helpless as she’d told him she would be without a weapon. She knew she could pull her hidden knife out and join the fray, but it was too small to be much use and Negan seemed to be getting on well enough on his own. She also didn’t want to reveal that she had it knowing Negan would just take it away from her.

She finally managed to turn away from the sight of Negan plowing through the walkers and turned her attention to pulling herself up one of the nearby trees. She gripped a knot a little higher than her head and began to pull herself up. She looked for her next grip to continue her ascent and grabbed on to a tree branch that was just within her reach. As she was pulling herself up, she felt the branch crack and she looked up in panic, desperately searching for something else to grab on to. Before she was able to adjust her weight, the branch broke and she plunged back to the ground.

She hadn’t been very high up when she fell, but she was a little winded and the noise had caught the attention of one of the walkers that Negan hadn’t yet taken care of. As she tried to catch her breath, the walker bore down on her. She tried to reach down to pull out her knife, but she wasn’t quick enough and she herself falling backwards under the walker’s weight as it lunged towards her face.

Elise put her right arm up against the walker’s throat, doing everything she could to keep its teeth away from her. At the same time, she brought her left leg closer to her and desperately reached for the knife she had strapped to her calf. The thing gnashed its teeth and was utterly relentless in its quest to sink them into Elise’s flesh. She struggled against it, pushing back against the walker with all her strength, desperate to keep it away from her long enough to reach her knife.

She let out a guttural roar of effort as she held the monster at bay and scrabbled for her knife. She could feel the hilt with the tips of her fingers but couldn’t get a grip on it. The walker twisted and pushed, its jaws snapping wildly as it got closer and closer to her face. Elise’s entire world narrowed to the knife and the walker. Panic rose up in her, flooding her body with adrenaline and she fought to focus on the task at hand and not let the fear make her sloppy.

She continued to scramble for the knife with desperate stretches of her fingertips and groaned as more and more of the walker’s weight fell on to her as it pushed in more and more. Finally, she felt her fingers slip over the handle of the knife. She heard a sharp crack from close by and felt something splash on her face, but barely registered it as, in one quick fluid motion, she pulled her knife out of the sheath and rammed it through the walker’s eye. The walker gave one last twitch and then collapsed in stillness on top of her.

Elise quickly shoved it off of her and pulled her knife back out of its head. She wiped away some of the rotten viscera that had splashed onto her face and then scrambled further away from the dead thing, her ears ringing and heart pounding. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Negan saunter over, holding his gun on the walker and looking for any signs of movement.

When it was clear that the threat was gone, he turned his attention to the blood-spattered woman who was hunched forward on the ground and taking deep breaths. He leaned down to run a hand across her back and tried to keep the panic out of his voice as he asked, “Are you okay? Did that thing fuckin’ bite you?”

Elise shook her head, still trying to calm herself down and rein in the adrenaline coursing through her body.

Negan could see that she looked close to hyperventilating and knew the best thing he could to do to help would be to keep talking to her. “No you’re not okay or no you didn’t get bit?” He was hoping that answering questions would help focus her thoughts and get her talking. The sooner he could get her responsive, the sooner they could get the fuck out of here.

“N-not bit. I’m not bit.”

“That’s good, that’s real fuckin’ good, doll. You knifed that son of a bitch like you were cutting through butter. That was so motherfuckin’ badass that I’m not even gonna reprimand you for hidin’ that knife from me.” He said it in a joking tone and was clearly trying to cut through the tension, but Elise exploded at his words.

She threw his arm off her back and leapt to her feet, knife still clutched in her hands. “Thank God I kept hold of this knife or I would have been killed. I told you, I TOLD you that it was stupid to send me out here unarmed.” Elise stalked toward him, brandishing the knife.

Negan stared her down as she approached but resisted the urge to raise his gun, knowing that would only escalate the situation. He kept his voice firm but steady as he tried to calm down the irate woman in front of him.

“You need to think through what you’re doin’ right now and think about how things are gonna play out if you choose to do somethin’ stupid.”

“I don’t need to think through shit. You brought me out here knowing it was dangerous, knowing I’d need a weapon if we ran into any walkers but made sure I didn’t have one. You fed me line after line about wanting to help me, but I just came closer to dying after ten minutes following you than I have the entire time I’ve been on my own. Coming with you was exactly as stupid as I thought it would be.” That last part wasn't strictly true as she'd had plenty of close calls, but she was too angry for nuance.

She continued to walk towards him, knife in her hand and poised for use. As she approached striking range, Negan jumped into action. He rushed towards her and shoved his forearm into the wrist that was holding the knife so it veered to the side and was no longer pointed at his body. Using his momentum and Elise’s disorientation to his advantage, he wrapped his arms around her and shook the knife from her hand.

Elise struggled wildly, the adrenaline from the walker attack still rushing through her veins and adding even more strength to her thrashing.

“Let me go, let me go,” she yelled, in that instant completely forgetting the danger bearing down upon them in the form of hundreds of monsters who were attracted to noise like moths to a flame.

Negan held her to him with a firm grip and prevented her from attacking him but did his best not to hurt her. He spoke to her in as gentle and calm a voice as he could manage while also doing his best to hold onto her. “I will, I promise I’m gonna let you go just as soon as you calm down and get your head on straight. We are not in the clear yet and you are puttin’ both of us in a lot of fuckin’ danger with this hissy fit.”

His reductive words made Elise even angrier and she redoubled her efforts to break free from his arms, but the guy was strong and he had a very good grip on her. The more she struggled, the tighter he squeezed and she could feel his arm putting just a hint of pressure on one of her pressure points. If he wanted to, he could knock her out quite easily. She growled in frustration but stopped thrashing in his arms. The fact that he was trying not to hurt her was jarring enough to help her start to snap back out of the angry panic.

Negan sighed softly in relief and gave her an encouraging squeeze. “Good, now you’re startin’ to think smart again. I know that you’re upset right now. You just had a close call and it lit a fire under your ass, but we need to get out of here before the rest of those fuckin’ things show up. So I’m gonna let you go now and you’re gonna keep bein’ a good girl for me, right?”

When Elise didn’t reply, Negan gave her a little shake. “I asked you a question.”

Elise knew that she had little choice so she nodded and, prompted by another gentle shake said, “Yeah, yes. You let me go, I won’t stab you through the chest like you deserve and we can get going.”

Negan tsked and let out a little huffed laugh, before saying “Good enough,” and let her go.

Elise reached down to pick up her knife, moving to stash it back into her ankle sheath when Negan reached out his hand and said in a soft, gentle voice, “Elise, I’d really appreciate it if you’d let me hang on to that right now. Emotions are runnin’ high and I can’t be worryin’ about whether or not you’re about to slice me open the rest of the way home.”

Elise gripped the knife harder. “You can’t be serious.”

“As a fuckin’ heart attack. And we don’t really have time to argue about it, sweetheart. It’s past time for us to get the fuck out of here.” Elise didn’t make any moves to hand over the knife.

Negan held his hand out and said, “I’m asking you nicely, please give me the knife.” Elise still refused to hand it over to him, but she also didn’t move to stop him from taking it out of her hand and stashing it into one of the pockets in his jacket.

Elise opened her mouth to say something, but Negan cut her off by grabbing her arm and pulling her forward. “Time to go, sweet thing.” They had lost enough time already and with all the noise they were making, there was no doubt there were more of the dead headed their way. He kept pulling her along until she yanked her arm out of his grasp and followed behind him of her own accord.

Negan let her seethe for a while in silence, hoping she’d be able to calm herself down some if he left her alone. Her breathing leveled out, but she was still stomping her way through the woods, advertising their location to any damn thing that was wondering. He held his tongue, not wanting to set her off again and it seemed to be a good tactic as she started to walk with quieter footfalls after only a minute or two. The seething look seemed plastered on her face though, and after a few minutes he turned towards her and said, “I can see you still fucking poutin’.”

“I’m not pouting,” Elise responded through gritted teeth. “I’m angry because you almost got me killed and then still wouldn’t let me keep my knife because you’re too stubborn to admit that you were wrong.”

“Is that a fact? Because from where I’m sittin’, I had you covered. Maybe you forgot what with all the motherfuckin’ excitement, but I shot that thing for you. I nailed it right before you pulled your super-secret knife out.”

Elise stopped walking and tried to make sense of the jumble of events. Had Negan shot the thing before she stabbed it? Everything had happened in a blur and her entire focus had been on getting the knife and taking down the walker. Even if Negan had shot the thing first, she was reluctant to concede the point. He wouldn’t have needed to shoot the thing if she’d been properly armed going into the encounter.

Negan turned back when he heard her footsteps stop and said, “I promised I would protect you and I did. Was it a close call? Fuck yes. But I had you.”

Elise gave him a small nod and started walking again. Her heart was still beating loudly in her chest, but she was starting to regain her calm and she had to admit what Negan said was true. “Yeah, I guess you did. But it was still stupid. You keeping me unarmed is an unnecessary risk. I could have been a lot more help back there if you hadn’t forced me to be practically defenseless.”

“Maybe so, but-”

“No, not maybe, definitely. You’ve been going on and on about wanting to help me and asking me to trust you. Well, trust is a two-way street. If you can’t trust me to have a weapon in my hand and not use it to kill you, then you shouldn’t be bringing me with you to your safe house right now.”

Negan kept walking, but he mulled over her words. “I get what you’re sayin’, but I feel like I should remind you there was a small incident about five fuckin’ minutes ago where you tried to motherfuckin’ stab me with a knife. Does that ring any bells? Forgive me if I’ve got some trust issues now.”

“That’s only because I was upset that you wouldn’t let me have a weapon and it almost got me killed.”

“So I should give you a weapon because you didn’t quite manage to stab me with a weapon when you were pissed that I wouldn’t let you have a weapon? Do I have that right?”

“You really are an asshole, you know that?”

Negan laughed, half at her comment and half in relief that his companion seemed to be bouncing back from the shit that had just gone down. He had had her covered, but it had been fucking close. If she’d gotten killed, that would have been on him.

“So I’ve been told, sweetheart. And it’s true. I am an asshole, but I’m not stupid.” With that, he turned around to face her and began to pull her compound bow off his back and reach for the arrows that he’d tossed in his bag. “And because I am not stupid, I can see that you’re right about trust bein’ a two-way street.”

He was still unsure if he was doing the right thing and his stomach clenched in worry as he handed Elise’s weapons back to her. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to make a tough choice and he sincerely hoped it wouldn’t be the last.

Elise cautiously reached out to take back her gun, knife, quiver, and bow. She wasn’t entirely convinced that Negan wouldn’t demand them all back and claim he had been testing her or something. She looked at him carefully, trying to read his thoughts from his face. Negan met her gaze with a calm and open look. She might just be imagining it, but she thought she could see an apology in his eyes.

Elise sheathed her knife and put the gun in its holster. As she shouldered her bow and the arrows, she quietly thanked Negan. He waved away her thanks and began to walk away. Elise meandered behind him, taking up a position a few steps back behind him.

“Elise? I’d appreciate if you’d walk next to me instead of behind me. Nothin’ personal, I’m just worried I’ll miss something if I’m tryin’ to check my six and keep an eye out ahead. That work for you?”

Elise didn’t reply but took a few quick steps so that she was walking next to him. It seemed like a reasonable enough compromise. Negan gave her a small nod and then they continued on their way. As they walked, she could see him keep turning and eyeing her and felt herself getting a little angrier every time that he did. She had been pretty indulgent so far, but this whole thing wasn’t going to work if he couldn’t find it in himself to trust her at least as much as she was trusting him.

Right as she was about to demand to know what his problem was and give him a piece of her mind, Negan untied the bandana from around his neck and held it out to her. She stared at him questioningly.

“What, is this the part where I have to put a blindfold on to protect the location of your secret lair?”

Negan laughed but shook his head. “No, this is the part where you use this bandanna to wipe your face. If you want. You’ve got walker shit all over you. But if you want me to put a blindfold on you, all you gotta do is ask nicely.”

Elise flushed in embarrassment and took the bandanna from him. “Oh, thanks. I kinda forgot about it, to be honest.” She wasn’t even going to acknowledge his other comment since she knew it would only encourage him.

Negan nodded, but she could see his shit-eating grin poking at the corners of his mouth. He managed to hold his tongue and keep whatever ridiculous thought that was rolling around in his head to himself. They walked for a few more minutes in silence.

The path they were on reached a thick tangle of bramble and Negan began pulling it away. She stepped in to help and together the two of them pulled the brush away to reveal an ATV.

“This thing yours?” she asked, looking over the machine and taking stock of the fact that it looked to be in pretty good condition.

Negan raised his eyebrows at her. “If it’s not then I’ve got the weirdest fuckin’ talent for unearthin’ quad bikes.”

Elise felt her cheeks redden but didn’t want to acknowledge his teasing about what had been an admittedly silly question, so she plowed on as if nothing had happened. “So it is yours?”

Negan grinned at her, his eyes lighting up with mirth. She saw the tip of his tongue poking out from his lips and was sure he was about to carry on with the joke, but instead he just turned back to the ATV and patted it like it was a beloved dog.

“You better believe it, sweetheart. The real question is, are you ready to go for a ride? It’s time to put some distance between us and those dead fucks. My place is a few miles up ahead, but we’ll get there a hell of a lot quicker on old Ruby here.”

Elise’s mind was immediately assaulted with the hundred different reasons why this was a bad idea, but she fought back the reflexive anxiety and distrust. Instead, she squeezed the filthy red bandana that she had stowed away in her pocket and nodded. “Yeah, let’s get going.”

“Atta girl,” Negan praised as he moved the 4-wheeler out from the brush and situated it on a relatively clear path. He climbed up on the bike and then patted the space behind him. “You’re gonna want to hold on tight. I like drivin’ fast.”

Elise climbed up behind him and, after only a second’s hesitation, wrapped her arms around his waist and held herself close to him as he gunned the engine and took off out of the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sretna Nova godina!
> 
> Hope everyone's new year is off to a good start and thanks for sticking with this story long enough to get through the set up. Things start to pick up next chapter when they finally get to Negan's place...


	4. Home Sweet Home

The ATV rolled to a stop outside a tall fence with barbed wire along the top. Negan jumped off the bike and approached the locked entrance. As he took out a key and unlocked the door, he looked back over his shoulder and said with a wide grin, “Home sweet home.”

Elise leaned forward on the ATV trying to look past Negan and see what lay beyond the gate. The compound itself was located in a small clearing deep within the woods. There hadn’t been any discernible path to follow, but Negan had navigated them here with confidence. The fence was at least 10 feet tall and looked to be a two-fold design, with chain link material standing in front of some kind of thick metal.

Negan sauntered back to the bike and pulled it through the gate. He closed the door behind them and then drove a short distance to a carport. Once there, he moved off the bike and, after reaching back to help Elise off, began working to cover it up with a tarp. The tools and gas containers neatly stored next to the bike indicated that the ATV was well-cared for.

As Negan adjusted the tarp, Elise turned around in a slow circle to examine her surroundings. The fencing extended around a modest sized-cabin and what looked like a chicken coop. There also appeared to be a garden on the other side of the house, but her view was partially obstructed. The sunlight bounced off of large solar panels that were mounted on the roof of the house as well as in the yard. There was some kind of stone structure across the yard from where they were parked that looked like it might be a well. 

Before she could take stock of anything else, Negan came up behind her and beamed as he looked out over the property. “Pretty fuckin’ incredible, right?”

Elise nodded, struggling to process what she was seeing. “ _ This place is unreal _ ,” she thought and then managed to stutter out, “How did you find this?”

Negan set the head of his bat down on the ground and leaned on it as he answered. “I didn’t find it, at least not in the way you’re thinkin’. A buddy of mine built it a while back, way before the dead fucks started walkin’. Crazy sonofabitch. Real survivalist type. Did a few tours in the marines and worked with a merc outfit for a while. Used all his money to buy up this land and build a place to ride out doomsday. I used to give him so much shit about it, but turns out to have been the smartest damn thing anyone’s ever done.”

Negan went quiet and seemed to lose himself in memories for a moment. Elise stayed quiet too, still wrapping her head around the fact that she was somewhere that seemed safe.

“Anyway,” Negan continued after a few seconds of silence, “he called me up right when shit was starting to hit the fan and we agreed to meet down here and ride things out.” He turned towards Elise with a wry smile. “It ended up taking me a lot longer to make the trip than I was expectin’. Neither of us thought things were goin’ to fall apart so quickly… Fuckin’ made it eventually though. Thank God he’d taken me out here a few times while he was still building it or else I never would have been able to find it.”

“So where is your friend?” Elise asked in a soft voice. 

“No fuckin’ clue. I got here maybe a year after we talked and there was no sign of him. I mean, I’ve got a pretty good guess the world bein’ what it is and all, but like I said, he never showed up.”

Elise nodded solemnly. No one had made it this far unscathed, and Negan was no exception.

“Were you in the Marines with him?” That would certainly explain a lot about Negan if he had been. The way he sought to take charge, the power and confidence with which he wielded weapons, and his ability to stay calm in stressful situations seemed like natural results of Marine training.

“Fuck no,” Negan responded with a laugh. “I like givin’ orders but I’m not too good at takin’ em.”

Elise rolled her eyes at his comment. Of course the macho man was somehow too macho for even the Marines. 

“No, I met Bear back when we were both in school.” He trailed off and gazed around the compound before adding, almost as an afterthought, “Best friend I ever had.” He seemed to realize he was teetering into sentimental territory and quickly continued. “So yeah, this is Bear’s place, but he wouldn’t mind you crashin’ so I’ll go ahead and give you the grand fuckin’ tour.” 

Just like that, his big grin was back and he was swaggering around like the king of the castle. He led a subdued Elise up to the cabin door, explaining the fence was electrified and there was a solar and battery-operated pump on the well. There were generators for emergencies as well, but he hadn’t had to use them yet. 

Before he opened the door to the house, he leaned down to whisper conspiratorially, “If you think that shit is impressive, wait til you get a load of this.” He tapped the bat against the glass in the small window and then leaned back holding his arms out as he declared, “Fuckin’ bulletproof. God bless that paranoid motherfucker. He really thought of everything.”

“Seriously?” Elise exclaimed. “How is this real?”

Negan laughed as he opened the door and held out an arm indicating she should walk in first. “Oh, baby, we’re just scratchin’ the surface.”

Elise was curious about what the inside of the cabin would look like, what unbelievable secrets and comforts it contained, but she still hesitated at the threshold. Things that seemed too good to be true usually were, especially these days.

Negan noticed her hesitance but didn’t remark on it. All things considered, it was a smart reaction and he knew she needed time to see for herself this wasn’t some kind of trap. Hoping she trusted him enough to follow him in, he dropped his arm and led the way.

Elise took a deep breath, touched the grip on her pistol for reassurance, and then followed Negan inside. As he heard her footsteps trailing after him, he smiled to himself, feeling a warm sense of satisfaction. They were making progress.

He proceeded to walk her through the house, showing off the bathroom with running water (hot and cold!), wood stove, overflowing pantry, root cellar, and a room for skinning, smoking and storing hunted meat. Negan winked at her and leaned in to say, “It’s all four-legged, furry little critters, doll. Scout’s honor.” Elise would have been more inclined to laugh at his joke if there hadn’t been an actual need for him to clarify what kind of meat he was storing. Not that he gave off cannibal vibes, but she knew there were people who had turned to it.

Negan rounded off the tour by showing her the two small bedrooms in the lofted space upstairs. As she walked around a room with honest-to-God clean curtains on the window, working light fixtures, and a bed which looked softer than anything she’d seen in years, Negan tilted his head in the direction of the room next door. “I sleep in there, so you can stash your stuff in here.”

Elise nodded and slid her backpack onto the floor in the corner of the room by the window. She gazed outside it, trying to process everything she’d just seen. It seemed impossible any place like this could still exist and yet here she was inside it. Everything was clean and the furniture looked comfortable. Just a few hours ago she’d been walking around a hellscape, praying a dilapidated house would offer enough safety for her to get some sleep without having to tie herself to a tree. And now? Now she had hot water, electricity, and a clean bed.

She startled when Negan leaned against the wall next to her. He held his hands up apologetically. “Sorry. Sorry about that, doll. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She gave a small smile to show she was fine, but the tension in her body remained. “It’s okay, not your fault. Just a little jumpy.” She turned her gaze away from him and back out the window. “I keep waiting to wake up. This place doesn’t feel real. There’s no way something this good can still exist in this world.”

Negan huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, I felt the same way when I first got here. And I doubt I was out there nearly as long as you’ve been. It takes some gettin’ used to, but in the best kind of way.”

When Elise didn’t respond, he continued on. “Speakin’ of, I saw the way that you were eyein’ up my shower when I told you there was hot water. I’ve got to go do some work in the garden, so if you want to clean yourself up, now would be a good time. You can grab some extra clothes from my room if you don’t have anything clean to change into. Feel free to wear it til we wash your stuff.”

The allure of hot water and the chance to scrub herself clean of all the dirt, grime, and walker guts was too good to pass up. Hesitating only long enough to decide a hot shower was worth the risk if the offer was somehow a trap, she nodded and replied, “Yeah, okay that sounds good.” 

Negan kicked off from the wall. “Alright then, I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be out in the garden, but you can holler if you need anything.” He turned to walk away, but paused when he felt a hand reach out to grab him. Looking down at the hand and then Elise,he met her eyes and raised his eyebrows.

Elise bit her lip and deliberated on her choice of words, eventually settling for simply saying, “Thank you, Negan. For everything.”

Negan briefly clasped his hand on her shoulder and replied with a smile. “Of course, darlin’. Hope you enjoy the shower.” Then he walked out of the room, down the stairs, and out to the garden.

Elise looked at the bed longingly, wanting nothing more than to collapse down onto it, but she didn’t want to get it dirty, and she could feel that hot water calling her name. She grabbed a clean t-shirt and sweatpants from Negan’s room, barely resisting the urge to snoop around. The room was small and tidy. Anything that he had hidden would be well and truly hidden and she didn’t want to run the risk of him noticing she’d gone through his things.

The shower was heavenly. Warm water cascaded down and she watched as all the dust, dirt, and blood ran off her body and down the drain. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a shower, much less access to hot water. She’d been making do with using the creek for rudimentary bathing on the rare occasions she felt it was safe enough. Her sore muscles rejoiced as the warm water helped to loosen them up and she lost track of time as she rested her head against the tiled wall and enjoyed the long-lost comfort of a hot shower.

Some time later she finally emerged from the bathroom, hair still wet and wearing clothes much too big for her thin frame. Negan was about six inches taller than her and much broader, but still, the clothes were comfortable. And, more importantly, clean.

Negan was in the kitchen when she came out, spooning food onto two plates and humming quietly to himself. It was strange to see the man who had so terrified her looking so peaceful and content. She couldn’t quite reconcile the apron-wearing chef with the violence and strength of the bat-wielding maniac who had pulled her out of hell and into this sanctuary.

“There you are. I was starting to wonder if I was gonna have to come in after you.” His tone was suggestive but he moved on without further innuendo. “I’ve cooked up some dinner if you’re hungry. Nothing special, just some venison and veggies. If I had known I was gonna have company tonight I would have made you my spaghetti. You haven’t lived til you’ve tried my spaghetti, that’s a damn fact.”

“Spaghetti,” Elise deadpanned, as if the very concept was ridiculous. 

Negan leaned back as he replied with emphatic glee, “Fuck yes, spaghetti. With homemade sauce from the tomatoes out in the garden. It doesn’t get much better than that. Ask me nicely and I might even serve it up with my special sausage.” The wink and small smirk made his lewd meaning clear.

Elise scowled back at him, not nearly as amused by his antics as he was. “Charming.”

Negan brought the plates over to the table and set them down with a flourish. “That’s me, doll. Prince fuckin’ Charming in the flesh. I don’t have a white horse, but I make do on my red ATV.”

Elise looked down at the plate of food and could feel the ache of her empty stomach. She’d been surviving off whatever she could scavenge for way too long and was in desperate need of a proper meal. The thought of sitting down with Negan though, and trying to make small talk over the dinner made her chest tight.

She was feeling tired and overwrought and more than anything just wanted to be alone with her thoughts and away from prying eyes. She eyed the dinner plate longingly, hoping Negan wouldn’t be offended.

“The food ain’t goin’ anywhere, sweetheart.” Negan had noticed her staring at the delicious-looking food and his reassuring tone of voice indicated he had also picked up on her nerves. 

Worrying the longer she stayed out here, the more awkward she’d make things, Elise tried to make a graceful exit. “Thank you for making this. And for the shower. I don’t even have words for how amazing the shower was. I’m feeling kind of wiped now though. Would you mind if I ate on my own upstairs?”

Negan gave her a searching look, but nodded and waved towards the stairs. “Sure, it’s been a long day. I get it. You can just leave your plate outside the door and I’ll clean it up.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about it.”

He shrugged his shoulders and replied, “It’s really no big deal. I hope you enjoy the food. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to cook for anyone else. Hopefully I haven’t lost my touch.” 

“It looks great,” Elise said as she picked up the plate. “Sorry for grabbing it to go. I’m just too tired to trust myself to be good company right now.”

“It’s fine,” Negan said before taking off the apron and sitting down at the table. “Whatever makes you comfortable.” 

Elise nodded and tilted her head towards the stairs with an apologetic smile. “Well, I’m going to head up then. Thanks again for dinner and for, well...everything.” 

With that, she turned away from and walked up the stairs. Negan watched her as she walked away, seeing the tension in how she held herself and wishing there was a way to make her feel more at ease. Her nervousness made sense. Hell, he was a little uneasy too about having someone in his space, but he knew the best thing he could do right now would be to give her space and not make her feel like she was trapped or beholden to his whims.

Meanwhile, in the small room at the top of the stairs, Elise closed the door behind her and sat with her back against it. She carefully placed the plate of food in front of her and reminded herself she needed to eat slowly. She’d made herself sick before by eating too much food too quickly after having gone hungry for prolonged periods of time. Fortunately, Negan had prepared a mild meal, so if she took her time it would probably settle reasonably well.

As she ate, she tried to focus just on the food in front of her, but it was impossible to tamp down on the whirlwind of thoughts spinning through her brain. The events of day had taken a toll and she felt it all catching up with her.

Although the house she was in now seemed relatively safe, it all felt more than a little surreal. Was it truly possible that the whole time she’d been out there fighting, surviving, suffering, and losing person after person this place existed? An oasis in the woods, somehow untouched by the ravages which had seemingly destroyed the rest of the world. 

She couldn’t stop her thoughts from turning to her brother. If only he was here with her too, they could both be tucked away in this vestige of civilization with the strange man who still acted out of basic human decency. She couldn’t decide which was more unreal, the house or the man.

After she finished eating, Elise opened the door to her room as quietly as she could and placed the plate outside. It felt rude to just leave it there, but she wasn’t ready to face Negan yet. Everything felt so strange and she didn’t know what she was supposed to say or do. Instead of trying to sort it out, she climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up over her head.

She was so tired and now, somehow, she had a clean and comfortable bed to hide away in. Unfortunately, she couldn’t hide away from her thoughts. She kept thinking about the walker that had nearly gotten her in the woods, how close she had come to death and how easily her life could have come to a screeching halt right then and there. All because of a stupid tree branch.

Elise knew she was lucky to have made it this far. So many people had died right at the start of things, back when none of them had had any idea what they were up against. Even after they had figured out the basics, people still kept dying. If it wasn’t a walker ripping their face off, it was a fellow survivor taking them down. If that didn’t do it, there was always the constant threats of dehydration, starvation, and sickness. It was so easy to die these days and so hard to live.

Elise couldn’t stop herself from crying as the despair she’d been pushing down for so long well and truly took hold. It all felt like too much and she couldn’t cope with the thought that after this brief respite from the unceasing nightmare of the world as it was now, she would have to go back out there and keep fighting day after day to survive until her luck finally ran out. Maybe things would be better when it did finally happen. Everyone she knew was dead already. 

She’d been alone for so long she felt completely out of her depth every time Negan opened his mouth and tried to start a conversation. Was it really possible to just talk to another human being and not be constantly watching them for signs of deceit and betrayal? She thought back to the few, brief touches they had shared and wished she could touch him again. There was something inexplicably soothing about being able to reach out and touch another person and feel them touch you back. It was a reminder she wasn’t alone in this world and it had been so long since she’d had that simple reassurance. 

“Elise, honey, are you okay in there?” Negan had walked by Elise’s room to pick up her dinner plate but was stopped short by the sound of crying. 

Elise heard knocking on the door and his voice calling out to check on her, but she didn’t answer. She was hoping he would continue on his and leave her to her thoughts. When he knocked again, she buried her head deeper into the pillow hoping to hide away from both him and the reality of the world outside.

“Elise, I’m going to come inside. You need to say something now if that’s not okay.”

Lost in her thoughts, Elise was only dimly aware of Negan speaking. She couldn’t process the words over the tumult of her emotions. The door opened a few seconds later and she could hear the sound of footsteps approaching before the bed dipped under Negan’s weight as he sat down on the edge of it.

“Was the food that bad?” Negan knew it was a weak attempt at humor, but Elise seemed to be severely distressed and he didn’t want to add to that by making her feel like she was in any danger from him.

Elise didn’t respond other than to curl up into a tighter ball. She was still softly crying when she felt a big, warm hand settle onto her back and begin rubbing it in soothing circles. She leaned into the touch, seeking the comfort of a human connection. 

Negan continued to rub her back as she cried, not saying anything but simply being present with her and hoping that would help her to come back from whatever dark pit she’d fallen into.

Finally, after she felt completely wrung out and like it impossible to cry any more, Elise sat up and shifted to emerge from under the blankets. Negan slid over on the bed to give her some space. They sat next to each other in silence for a few more moments until Elise finally broke it.

She stared straight ahead as she spoke, unable to bring herself to look at him. “I’m sorry for being so weird. I know that was a lot and I didn’t mean for you to have to deal with it.”

Negan moved himself into her line of view and fixed her with a serious look. There was no pity in his gaze, just abject understanding. “You’re not bein’ weird. It’s basic human nature to hold tightly onto trauma until you feel like you’re in a safe enough place unpack it. Now, I don’t know your story, but I know you’ve been through some shit and there’s nothin’ weird or wrong or weak about it hittin’ you hard.”

Elise nodded stiffly and licked the corner of her top lip. Her face was a wet mess, covered in a combination of tears and snot. She ran the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away the worst of it and then flinched when she realized it was Negan’s shirt. “Sorry, I forgot I wasn’t wearing my clothes.” 

Negan laughed and said, “It’s fine. It’s been covered in worse and it’s not like it’ll be hard to clean.”

Silence fell again and Elise wished she knew what to say to get Negan to touch her again, to rub her back in that soothing motion.

“I meant what I said, doll. What you’re feelin’ right now is a completely normal reaction to everything this fucked up world has thrown at you. God only knows how long you’ve been carryin’ it on your shoulders. And even puttin’ that aside, you’ve been through a lot today. Outran a huge fuck-off herd, got up close and personal with one of those dead fucks, and got dropped into a new, completely unknown place.” 

He leaned in close to her to gently knock his shoulder against hers. “You also met a charmin’ stranger who cooked you dinner, so it hasn’t been a completely fucked up day, huh?”

That finally got a response from Elise which wasn’t fueled by embarrassment or discomfort. She laughed in a small, amused huff and reached up to rub her face again. “Yeah,” she conceded. “It wasn’t all bad.”

“Glad to hear it. My day had some pretty fuckin’ bright spots too.” He turned towards her and smiled, feeling a warmth in his chest when she smiled back. She seemed to be feeling better, so Negan patted her leg encouragingly and turned to leave the room. He hated to just walk away, but he didn't want to make her feel more uncomfortable by lingering.

For the second time that day, he was stopped by a hand reaching out and grabbing him. He turned to look at Elise and waited as she gathered the courage to say what she wanted to say.

“Please, Negan, will you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone right now.” It was unreasonably hard for her to say the words out loud, but it would have been harder to watch Negan walk out of the room and be left alone once more. A wave of shame tried to push its way up from her stomach, but she stubbornly shoved it back down.

“I can do that,” Negan agreed, and Elise felt a weight lifting from her chest.

“Thank you,” she responded in a quiet voice, eyes darting up to meet his gaze for just a second. Negan seemed genuinely pleased with her response and sat down on the bed next to her. Elise slowly moved towards him and leaned against him, watching him for any signs what she was doing wasn’t okay. Instead of rebuking her, Negan opened his arm to her and pulled her closer against him. Once they were both settled into comfortable positions, his hand began moving in small, soothing circles against her side.


	5. Stop and Start

Negan continued running his hand against Elise’s side, enjoying the warm weight against him. Trying to pull her out of her head and back into the moment with him, he asked, “So how long were you alone out there?” Elise stiffened against him, causing him to mentally kick himself.

“I don’t want to talk about that stuff right now,” she informed him, burrowing closer to him. At least he hadn’t completely ruined the moment.

“Gotcha, no talking about any of the bleak stuff right now. I can do that.”

Elise sat up, separating herself from him. “Actually I don’t really want to talk at all right now.”

Not surprising, Negan thought to himself. He’d noticed her tendency to revert to silence when she was uncomfortable. “Ok, I gotta warn you though, I’m not exactly good at keepin’ my mouth shut. So don’t be too upset if I-” He had planned to say more, but was interrupted when Elise suddenly turned and kissed him. 

Startled, Negan jumped back, moving off the bed. “Look, I’m flattered, doll, but you don’t have to offer yourself up to me. I didn’t bring you back here for anything like that.” He was attracted to her, there was no doubt about that. He admired the capable way in which she carried herself and her strength to endure and survive, but he was a little thrown by the sudden show of affection. They’d managed to build up a little trust between them, but she’d mostly ignored or rolled her eyes at his flirtatious comments so he was a little confused about where the affection was coming from. His stomach turned at the thought he might have done something to make her feel like she owed him. 

Elise’s face dropped when he pulled away from her. He could see the pain his rejection had caused, but he wanted to set things straight. She was clearly in a vulnerable state and he didn’t want her thinking intimacy with him was in any way required or expected.

Elise looked up at him, trying to mask the pain she was feeling, which was putting a damper on her desire. “But if I want to?” More than anything, she just wanted to shut her brain off, to lose herself in something other than thoughts of the world outside and everything it had taken from her.

Negan stepped back a few more feet, trying to make it clear with his words and his actions this wasn’t something he was trying to make happen. He was surprised at the turn things had taken, but quickly found his mental balance. “If it’s somethin’ you want, then we can talk about it after you’ve been here for a bit and have had time to settle in. Doing anythin’ tonight would be a bad idea for a lot of reasons, and I think you know that.”

Elise stood up from the bed and walked towards him, trying to convince him, “It doesn’t feel like a bad idea to me. It feels like a very good idea.”

And it did. Negan had been making dirty comments and flirting with her all day, leading her to believe he was perfectly game for a little fun. He felt trustworthy, and the aura of control he gave off was attractive. If she was getting a brief reprieve from their nightmare world, she wanted to make the most of it.

Negan set his jaw and held his hands out in front of him to stop Elise from coming closer. “Darlin’, I’m tryin’ to be a good guy here. Help me do the right thing.”

Elise leaned into his hands, desperate to feel him again. “This is the right thing. Please, Negan. I just want to feel good tonight. What’s so wrong with that?”

Negan closed his hands around her shoulders holding her at arm’s length. “Consent is somethin’ that’s very fuckin’ important to me, and right now I don’t trust you can give meaningful consent.”

Elise brought her hands up to close around his wrists and she looked him in the eyes as she assured him, “Negan, I want this. Not because I think it’s something I have to do, but because it’s something I want to do. I want you. And you should trust me when I say I don’t do anything I don’t want to do.”

“That, I most certainly believe. I’m not sayin’ you don’t want this right now, but I think there’s a chance you’d regret it in the morning. And I would hate to make you regret anything you do with me.”

Elise tore her hands away from his and threw them up in frustration. “What do you want from me, Negan? Do you want me to beg?”

“No, I don’t want you to fuckin’ beg,” he growled out. It was the first lie he’d told her. The idea of Elise on her knees in front of him begging him to let her suck his cock was one he really fucking liked.

“Then what? Is it that you don’t want to fuck me? You can just say so. I’m a big girl, Negan. I can take it.”

She looked up at him with her big blue eyes and it was clear she was in absolute control of herself. Negan felt his resolve beginning to break.“It is definitely not that,” he reassured her. “I just want to be sure this is somethin’ you absolutely fuckin’ want.”

“It is. It absolutely fucking is. We’ve both been on our own for a while. If we both want this, why shouldn't we enjoy ourselves?” Elise tried to inject her words with the heat and desire she was feeling. She desperately wanted the comfort of human connection and Negan felt safe. More than that, his confidence and strength awakened something primal inside her which was demanding her to reach out to him and ask for more.

“Fuck it. I’m out of arguments,” Negan conceded, leaning in to kiss her. He cupped one hand behind her head, kissing her gently. 

Newly awakened desires fully took control of Elise and she wanted more. As if sensing her need, Negan parted his lips and flicked his tongue into her mouth where she eagerly met it with hers. His hand tangled in her hair, his tongue playing with hers, his body against hers. It all felt so good.

Before things could go further, Negan broke the kiss and leveled her with a serious look. He needed to check in with her before this went any further.

“Don’t say we should stop this now,” Elise pleaded in a breathy voice.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Now that I’ve had a taste, all I want is more. But I need to ask you something before we do anything else. Do you have any triggers I should know about?”

This wasn’t at all what Elise had been expecting and it took her a few seconds to understand the question. “Triggers?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. Is there anything I might do that would upset you or hurt you?” Negan watched her closely as he asked the question looking for any signs she was hiding something from him, or was having a hard time verbalizing her feelings.

“I don’t think so,” she replied, but her voice sounded uncertain. What exactly was he planning on doing that he thought the question was necessary? No one she’d been with before had ever asked her such a question and she wasn’t even sure she fully understood what he wanted to know, but she did her best to answer. “I mean, as long as you don’t choke me or try to pee on me, I think I’ll be good.”

Negan grinned at her, his eyes becoming dark with lust . “No choking or piss play. I can manage that.” He normally would have had a much longer conversation on the topic, but he wasn’t planning on pushing things tonight. This was about what Elise needed and he didn’t know her well enough yet to feel confident she was ready to hear what he really wanted, although he was starting to suspect that it was something she would enjoy as well.

“What about you?” Elise reciprocated after a few seconds. “Anything I need to know about or avoid?”

“I don’t like bein’ bitten,” Negan replied, pleased with her response and apparent concern for his pleasure. “Other than that, I’m sure I’ll enjoy just about anything you decide you want to do.”

“So we can get back to the kissing now?” Elise ran a hand up his chest, staring at his lips.

Not wanting to waste any more fucking time, Negan pulled her against his chest and picked up the kiss where they had left off. She was a bit tentative with her tongue this time, but the gentle encouragement from his own helped to make her more adventurous. His hands slid down from her head to her butt and he held her close to him as he pushed his rigid cock against her, wanting her to feel the effect she had on him

Elise broke off their kiss, causing Negan to cock an eyebrow at her.

“Do you have any condoms? I’ve taken enough risks today and there is no way I’m going to do anything that might result in me getting pregnant.” The serious tone of her voice made it clear there would be no negotiation on the matter.

Negan was unable to keep himself from reaching out to rub his hand up and down her arm, answering “Today is your lucky day. I got a vasectomy back in the day. No risk of pregnancy.”

Elise narrowed her eyes at him. “Swear to me you’re telling the truth.” She tried to sound commanding, but apparently her mouth didn’t get the memo. Her tone was downright imploring. 

“Doll, I swear. I’ve been neutered.” He held a hand over his heart and then held it up in a three-fingered scout’s honor salute, a shit-eating grin on his face as he teased her, “ If you want to get up close and personal you might still be able to see the incision scar.”

Elise searched his face for any sign of deceit, but he seemed genuine. Still, the consequences were potentially disastrous if he wasn’t being completely honest so she issued a final warning. “If you’re lying to me, I swear to God I will cut your balls off and feed them to you.”

Negan’s eyes widened as he continued with his wide, toothy smile. “Jumping straight to the freaky deaky, I like it. Keep talking dirty to me sweetheart. I’ll be cumming in no time.”

Elise tried to roll her eyes but closed them in pleasure instead when Negan grabbed hold of her again and trailed his lips down her neck. She sagged against him, loving the feeling of his warm, wet mouth. He alternated between gentle nips, affectionate kisses, and long sucks of her skin, causing her to melt into him further.

Elise wrapped one hand in his hair, a moan of pleasure escaping her. Negan paused long enough to murmur, “That’s it, let me hear how good you’re feelin’,” before resuming his ministrations.

As her hand moved down to rub against his cock, hidden away behind his pants and underwear, Negan groaned against her neck and then pressed his forehead to hers.

“I think we should get rid of all these clothes. What do you say?” All his instincts were screaming at him to rip her clothes off of her, but he fought them back to give her space to decide whether she wanted to fully give into this or else put a stop to things before they went too far.

Unable to speak, Elise closed her eyes, a quiet noise of agreement escaping her. Negan chuckled and kissed her forehead. She didn’t want to stop, but she wasn’t quite ready to take the step to get things started so it was up to him to take charge. He winked at her and then stepped back to start stripping off his clothing. He felt Elise’s gaze on him and enjoyed the heated lust he could see when he locked eyes with her.

Elise felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment at being caught staring, but she couldn’t help it. It was no wonder the guy walked around with such confidence and power. He was lean but well-built with corded muscles which could only have been built through constant use. There was no carefully sculpted 6-pack or bulging biceps on display. The strength in his physique wasn’t from long gym sessions nor motivated by his own desire for the aesthetic. No, his body had been shaped by entirely organic and utilitarian means.

Elise didn’t look away from Negan as he revealed more and more of his body. Dark hair covered his chest and arms and she could see a smattering of fresh scars across his body that attested to the trials and tribulations he had endured in his own journey of survival. There were also a number of black ink tattoos decorating his chest and arms. She couldn’t quite make out the details and the ink was a bit faded, indicating he’d gotten them a while ago.

When he was down to just his boxers, Negan ran a hand over his erection and let the tip of his tongue slip past his lips. “You plannin’ on joining me, or is this a one-man show?”

Elise realized she was still fully clothed and grimaced at the thought he’d be able to watch her with the same level of attention she’d given him. She wasn’t especially body shy, but it had been quite a long time since she’d been with anyone and she was beginning to feel a bit nervous. She suddenly wished they could skip right to the part where they were tangled up in each other and getting lost in the physical sensations.

She quickly moved to take off the shirt, sweatpants, and underwear, avoiding eye contact with Negan. Surprised to hear him let out a deep, satisfied sigh, she looked down at her body, trying to see herself through his eyes. The dirt was gone, but there was no hiding the fact she was skin and bones and she was painfully aware of the hair covering her body in all the place she least wanted it to be. She felt deeply unsexy and couldn’t help but wonder what he saw when he looked at her to make him respond so positively. 

This was possibly the first time she had ever revealed her body to a man without fully preparing herself beforehand. She had never been one to be pressured into sex. It always happened on her timeline and when she wanted it, when she could be sure that she had sculpted her body into what she wanted her partner to see. This was different from all of those times. True, she’d been the one to initiate, but it hadn’t been part of some carefully plotted plan with time built in to doll herself up and decide how she wanted the night to unfold. She had been acting on pure desire when she told Negan she wanted to be with him and her mind was now desperately trying to catch up with her body and regain control.

The butterflies which had settled into her stomach when she’d started to undress started to beat their wings with fervor and Elise finally stole a glance at him. He was staring back at her, taking in all the details of her naked body and she couldn’t stop herself from going rigid with a mixture of nerves and shame.

“Everything okay? You just went awfully still on me.” Negan could see her shame written all the fuck over her. 

When she looked down at the floor and crossed her arms in front of her stomach, he finally closed the gap between them. Wrapping his arms around her, he nuzzled her neck, reassuring her, “You are fuckin’ gorgeous, you know that? You don’t have anything to be nervous about. I’m gonna take such good care of you.”

Elise looked up from the floor but still couldn’t meet his gaze. She could feel his body heat and the hair on his chest tickling her bare skin. His touch and the feel of him were grounding, but it was his words that had the biggest effect. She was desperately trying to figure out what she was supposed to do next, but Negan said he was going to take care of her. She wasn’t someone who generally liked to be taken care of, but in this moment there was nothing she craved more. 

Negan gently caressed her back and felt her begin to relax into his arms. “There we go. That’s better. You wanna tell me what was goin’ through your head?”

Elise hid her face in his chest and murmured against the tattooed skin, “It’s stupid, don’t worry about it.”

Her discomfort with putting her thoughts into words was palpable and Negan knew it was something they’d need to work on. Using two fingers, he tilted her head up to force eye contact . “Nothing you’re feeling is stupid. If something is upsetting you then it’s pretty damn important.”

Elise bit her lip, not wanting to reveal the silly thoughts which had been rolling around in her head, but when she saw concern reflected in the rich brown eyes staring back at her she knew she could trust him with her insecurities.

“It’s been years since the dead started walking and I moved on from the old world in pretty much every way. And yet I can’t help feeling embarrassed I’m naked in front of a guy when I haven’t shaved.”

She expected Negan to laugh, but he only smiled encouragingly. “We left everything else behind, but somehow the body standards still come out swingin’. It’s hard to let go of thoughts and beliefs that have been drilled so deeply into us. Even when they’re completely fuckin’ stupid.”

“See, I told you it was stupid.” Elise tried to pull away, embarrassed by how silly she must seem, but Negan held her firmly.

“You misunderstood what I said,” he told her in a firm, but comforting tone. “I said the body standards were stupid, not how you’re feelin’.” Negan reached for her hand and guided it down to his hard on . “Here’s how I’m feeling. Does it feel like I care one bit about what hair you’ve got on your body?”

Elise shook her head no, and Negan jutted his hips towards her so his cock ground into her hand with each of his next words “You’re. Damn. Right.”

He ran a hand through her hair, the length of it just long enough for him to be able to grab onto it. “I am so turned on by you right now. The only thing I’m seein’ when I look at you is a strong, sexy woman who I’m gonna make scream in pleasure, and who I know is gonna please me very fuckin’ much.”

Elise felt heat rush through her at his words and the confidence with which he said them. Grateful, she didn’t know what to say in response, so she began planting kisses on his chest. Negan moved his hands up and down her back, digging his fingertips in as he dragged them up either side of her spine.

Negan felt his breath hitch as Elise dropped to her knees in front of him and kissed his cock through his boxers. Hitching his thumbs into the waistband, he informed her in a steady voice which belied the excitement coursing through him, “I’m gonna slip these off now if that’s okay with you.” She no longer seemed embarrassed or unsure, but Negan wanted to encourage her to give voice to what she wanted. Requiring verbal consent before moving forward seemed like a good way to help her become more comfortable doing so. 

Rubbing her hands against his thighs she insisted, “Please do.”

Negan slid the boxers down past his thighs and moved to step out of them and kick them away. Elise looked at the hard cock in front of her. It jutted out from a dark, coarse patch of hair and leaned slightly to the left. The size of it was a bit intimidating, at least 7 inches in its fully erect state. She was relieved Negan was circumcised. She’d never been with an uncircumcised guy and was glad she wouldn’t have to try to figure what worked and didn’t right now.

Negan ran his fingers through her hair and tilted her head back with a gentle tug so she was looking up at him.“Like what you see?”

Elise nodded, enjoying the feeling of him tugging her hair.

“Oh sweet thing, it’s a lot to take in, but I know you’re not speechless so I’ll ask you again, do you like what you see?” Negan gently demanded she answer him with words, testing the waters a bit to see how she would respond.

“Yes,” Elise said, looking at him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. It was a bit embarrassing to be put on the spot, but it was also kind of exciting. And she wasn’t lying. She very much liked what she was seeing.

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. But y’know, it tastes even better than it looks.” He encouraged her further with a slight swing of his hips that moved his erection closer to her mouth.

Elise licked her lips and he felt his cock twitch, hardening even more when the warm, wet heat of her mouth settled over his cockhead. He didn’t even try to stop the excited moan that tore out of him.

Elise sucked lightly at the head of Negan’s cock and worked her tongue up and down the shaft When his hands settled in her hair she moved to take him deeper into her mouth. She tried to fit his entire length in her mouth, but the tip pressed against the opening of her throat and she couldn’t take him any deeper.

She heard Negan’s voice float down to her in low, gravelly tones. “Try laying your tongue flat at the bottom of your mouth and sticking it out.”

Without even thinking about it, Elise did as she was told and was able to fit a bit more of his cock into her mouth. She still wasn’t able to fit the whole thing, but Negan still groaned appreciatively, praising her, “Yeees, perfect. You’re doin’ so good for me.”

His words made Elise feel warm and tingly and she redoubled her efforts to swallow him down. Her tongue massaged the underside of the thick shaft and she hollowed out her cheeks and sucked with every upstroke, listening to him groan and curse in appreciation.

Just as her jaw was beginning to tire, Negan pulled back. Even though she was grateful for the break, Elise let out a small huff of complaint which made Negan chuckle. Pulling her up to her feet, he kissed her forehead. “Don’t pout, baby girl. You were gettin’ me close and I’m not ready to stop yet. Besides, I’m going to need you on the bed for what I want to do next.”

The hazy, lustful look Elise gave him was gratifying, but when she made no move towards the bed he gave her ass a quick swat and dropped his voice into a more commanding tone. “Bed. Now. Don’t make me say it again.” He was curious how she would respond to such an overt show of control, but was pleased when she immediately moved towards the bed with a smile on her face. When she turned her back to him, Negan narrowed his eyes in thought, his interest piqued by the small moan of pleasure that escaped from her when his hand had connected with her ass.

He followed her to the bed and gently pushed her down so she was laying on her back. He climbed on top of her and kissed his way down her body, starting with a long leisurely kiss on her lips and working his way down. He paused right above her pussy and watched for her reaction as he blew onto her clit. The little nub was easy to spot, engorged from her excitement and Negan was very much looking forward to teasing it and tasting it.

Elise gasped, throwing her head back, completely unprepared for the wave of pleasure rolling through her. She felt warm blasts of breath as Negan let out a satisfied little laugh at her reaction.

“That’s it. You just lay back and enjoy yourself. I’m gonna make you feel so fuckin’ good.”

He turned his full attention to the beautiful, wet pussy laid out before him. He breathed in deeply, enjoying the scent of arousal filling his senses. God, he’d missed this. It had been so long since he’d had a sexy woman in his bed and he was eager to make up for lost time. He took another deep breath to remind himself to go slowly and stay in control of himself. He’d wanted to give her glimpses of this side of him to see how she’d respond and fuck she’d responded so beautifully. Elise was a little shy, but she seemed eager to please him and like she enjoyed him taking control. He’d found out what he wanted to and now it was time to focus on making her feel good.

Negan reached out with his tongue and licked small, slow circles around the delicate little clit in front of him. Elise emitted the most delightful noises as he ran his tongue downward, dipping into her warm, wet folds. Just as he was about to move back up and really dedicate himself to lavishing attention on her clit, he was stopped, her hands gently pulling his head up.

He immediately stopped what he was doing when he realized Elise was pulling him away from her pussy, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t reluctant to tear himself away. He adjusted himself so he was leaning on his elbow and asked, “Everythin’ okay? I was just gettin’ started.”

Elise wasn’t looking at him and he felt concern and worry tear through him. Had he done something wrong? He didn’t think he’d misread any of her signals, but first times were always a learning experience. He was only partially relieved when Elise nodded and said, “Yeah, I just... You don’t have to do that.” 

Like everything else Negan had done so far, it felt good. Really good. But it wasn’t something she had ever done with other partners. It felt too intimate to have someone’s mouth on her like that and just thinking about it made her mind rush with concerned thoughts about how she looked and tasted and whether Negan was doing it because he actually enjoyed doing it or because he felt like he should since she went down on him. It was easier to shut things down than try to wade through everything, so she drew a clear line in the sand and waited to see what his reaction would be.

He sat up a little more, making sure his lust was evident in his voice when he tried to reassure her, “Honey, believe me when I say I wasn’t doin’ it because I thought I had to. I was eating your pussy because I fuckin’ like it.”

Elise smiled, but the worry was evident in her tone when she countered, “Well, I don’t. Like it. I’m sorry-”

As disappointed as Negan was he insisted, “Don’t even fuckin’ think about apologizin’. If you don’t like something you need to tell me.”

Negan shifted so he was lying next to her instead of on top of her, taking stock of her body language as he did so, trying to read her. She still seemed more embarrassed than upset. He was tempted to ask more questions since it had seemed like she was enjoying it at first, but he was reluctant to push her. He decided to drop it for now.

“So, no eatin’ that gorgeous pussy of yours. Got it. Do you want to keep goin’ or are you feelin’ good for tonight?”

Elise fixed him with a searching look as if she was surprised he wasn’t aggravated with her. Negan gave her an encouraging smile, waiting patiently for a response.

“More, please. I want to keep going.”

Elise watched his grin widen before he kissed her. She closed her eyes, giving in to the feel of his warm lips against hers. When they finally parted, she found herself chasing him in the hopes of more, eliciting a chuckle from him.

“Easy doll. There’s more to come, don’t you worry. I just want to check in about somethin’ real quick. Are you okay if I finger you?”

Elise felt her cheeks heat, not quite prepared for the directness of his question. Part of her appreciated his bluntness, but another part of her was a little uncomfortable with discussing things like this. It was clear he wasn’t going to continue without an answer though, so she managed to respond, “Yeah, it’s okay.”

Negan narrowed his eyes at her, but his grin made it clear he was being more playful than serious. “That really how you want to answer the question?”

Elise bit her lip and shook her head, but hesitated to expand on her thoughts until Negan prompted her, “What do you want to say, then?” He kissed her neck, tugging gently on the skin with his teeth, reminding her why she wanted to answer him properly -use more words, get more Negan.

“I would like it. If you used your fingers on me,” she answered in a quiet and hesitant voice. She fought back a grimace at hearing herself sound so terrified of a little fingering. Negan was clearly in his element and she didn’t want him to think she was a prude or inexperienced after all her big talk about wanting him. It wasn’t the act itself that made her nervous, it was his insistence she say out loud what she wanted him to do. He never seemed to stop talking no matter the setting, but she wasn’t accustomed to being so verbal while having sex and it was hard to keep up with him. 

“Good girl,” Negan whispered in her ear, clearly pleased with her. “Let me show you what I do for good girls, Elise,” he taunted her, then moved down to take one of her breasts in his mouth. He sucked gently on the nipple at first, paying close attention to her reactions as he progressively sucked more forcefully, making sure he stayed well within her limited comfort zone. At the same time, he moved one hand towards her glistening pussy and teased her clit with one finger, drawing lazy circles around it.

When Elise moaned with pleasure, he rewarded her by slipping two fingers inside her. She was tight and he made sure to take his time opening her up. He could feel his cock aching between his legs, but he ignored it, focusing on her pleasure.

She found her voice as she dug her fingers into his back begging, “More. Please, Negan, I need more.”

“I can give you more, baby. Tell me, do you want me to slip my big hard cock inside you and fuck you nice and slow until you come on it?”

“Yes, please yes.” 

“Alright then, sweet girl. Good girls get what they ask for.” He adjusted himself so that he was poised at her entrance with his cock in his hand and ready to move inside her. Before he did, he used his other hand to guide Elise’s up to the headboard.

“I want you to keep your hands up here. Can you do that for me, doll?” Elise nodded shakily and Negan smiled at her. He wasn’t testing her anymore. This was simply a reward for how good she’d been for him. After seeing how she reacted to everything he’d tried so far, he was confident she’d enjoy this as much he did.

“So good for me. Now I’m gonna be so good to you. You ready?”

Elise nodded again and then whimpered as she felt Negan finally begin to push inside her. She felt herself stretch around him as he slowly inched inside of her.

“God you feel amazing. So wet for me.”

Elise tried to move her hips to bring him in deeper, but he held her steady, giving her a stern look. “No. You need to be patient. We’re gonna do this my way.”

What was he waiting for? She tilted her hips up, trying to urge him on. He didn’t move. She frowned and met his eyes to see heat, mixed with determination and authority. He had control. A heady feeling took hold of Elise with the thought and she was more turned on by it than she was willing to admit to herself. Mentally shaking herself she let out a frustrated sigh before snapping, “Jesus, are you always this bossy?”

Negan just grinned down at her, countering, “No, I’m usually a lot bossier.” He could see the fight going on behind her eyes. Her body liked the feeling of his control, but she was struggling to accept it. Elise rolled her eyes at him, but it was clear she was enjoying herself. 

Elise hoped her response would hide her true reaction to his words and actions. The knowledge she didn’t have to try to decide what to do to please him was exciting, freeing. His will surrounded her. His eyes watched her, eliminating any chance of hiding.

“Such a rude little thing,” Negan chastised her, but didn’t call her out for trying to hide how much his control turned her on. It would be more fun to show her he knew exactly how much she liked this. “Here I thought you were a good girl but turns out you’re greedy for my cock, aren’t you?”

Elise shook her head as Negan pushed himself all the way inside her and then stilled, enjoying the way her pussy clenched around him.

“No, you’re not greedy for my cock?” Negan saw her hands clutch at the headboard, but was gratified to see she didn’t move to take them away from where he had set them.

Elise gritted her teeth and nearly growled “Negan, please just shut up and fuck me. I can’t take it anymore.” She was pleased her voice finally sounded more like her own and less like a terrified virgin. 

Negan liked seeing her like this; desperate, frustrated, and eager to get fucked. He slid his cock back, said, “Well, since you asked so nicely…,” and then plunged back inside her.

Elise nearly screamed in pleasure at the feeling of him finally moving inside her. He started out slow, but picked up the pace when she wrapped her legs encouragingly around him. She could feel every inch of his cock as it moved in and out of her, filling her up so perfectly. It felt so good, she never wanted it to stop.

Negan kept up a constant stream of dirty talk, but she could barely process the words, she was so lost in the pleasure of feeling him inside of her. If he cared that she didn’t say anything back, he didn’t show it.

Negan shifted so his cock was hitting at a slightly different angle and able to go deeper inside her. Elise moaned in pleasure and he picked up the speed. He felt the head of his cock top out inside her, and her happy noises immediately became more pained. Reading her signals, he slowed his thrusts and didn’t push in quite as deeply.

“Okay? Need me to stop?”

There was no hesitation in her response. “No, it’s good. It was just a little too deep for a second. Please don’t stop.”

Negan was happy to oblige. He kept up a steady pace and when he felt himself starting to get close to the edge, he moved one hand down to Elise’s clit to tease it while he fucked her. She contracted around him in a very satisfying way and he could feel her struggling to position her hips to get more contact with his fingers.

“You wanna cum?” he asked, eyes shining with mischief. Elise let out a strangled little noise and nodded frantically.

“Then ask me,” Negan directed as he pressed his thumb to her clit and stroked it.

“Fucking let me cum, you asshole,” she panted in frustration, desperately trying to angle herself so he’d touch in the exact right way to send her over. She’d had enough of his games and wanted him to know that she was done playing. All she wanted was to cum.

“Ask me nicely,” Negan demanded, his mouth right by her ear before moving to kiss her neck encouragingly. Normally, such an answer would warrant some kind of punishment, but she didn’t know the rules to his game yet, so he’d let it slide. He had slipped more into his dom persona than he had been intending at the start of this, but it was hard to stop himself. It’s what felt natural to him when he was having sex, and it seemed unnecessary to keep himself fully in check once it became clear Elise responded so well to it. He watched her closely for any signs of discomfort or unease with his behavior but couldn’t see any, so he didn’t back down. She cried out as he ghosted little touches near her clit, but refused to touch her how she needed.

“Please, Negan, please let me cum,” she finally caved in to his demand, unable to take it anymore. 

Her voice was sweet, imploring and impossible to refuse. “Good girl, askin’ me so nicely,” Negan praised and then pressed against her clit and rubbed in perfect little circles.

Elise moaned against Negan’s neck and felt herself move impossibly close to the edge. She stayed there for a few seconds, completely lost on the edge of pure and absolute pleasure before finally plummeting into it. She felt her pussy clamp down on his cock as it continued to pump away inside her as her orgasm took her over.

Negan thrust his hips one last time, pushing deep inside her and then groaning as her muscles milked his orgasm out of him. He swiveled his hips a few times and then pinched the base of his cock to squeeze out the last of his cum.

He would have liked to stay in the position longer to enjoy the feeling of being inside her, but his arms were getting tired and he knew it was time to move. Elise made the prettiest little noise of protest when he withdrew from her. He kissed her as a consolation for the loss of contact before laying down next to her and gathering her in his arms.

Elise snuggled closer to the warm body spooning against her and pressed a gentle kiss to the hand wrapped around her. “Thank you,” she whispered, not even sure if she wanted Negan to hear the sentiment, but when he gave her a tight squeeze in response, she was glad he did.

They laid together until sleep claimed them, curled tightly around each other, the space in their heads filled only with happy, contented thoughts, and the comfort of not being alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the full time grind tomorrow, so the chapters are going to take a little longer to post. 
> 
> Hope you've been enjoying the story so far and thanks for reading!


	6. The Morning After

Shrill calls from a group of crows broke through the peaceful silence of early morning. Elise was used to being awakened by the sounds of nature and had quickly learned to pay attention to the warnings they could provide. Barely awake, her brain was already processing and sussing out whether she should be concerned by the noises around her, but when silence quickly fell again she relaxed back into the fuzzy state between sleep and wakefulness.

Reflexively, she adjusted her position to keep her muscles from getting too sore as a result of resting all night against the unforgiving tree branches. One of these days she really needed to find a more permanent spot to settle and work on building a treehouse or something. Her body had been protesting her sleeping arrangements with an increasing fervor, she knew she’d be wise to heed.

Elise stretched, arching her back, trying to commit to being awake, but it was a difficult thing to do when she was surrounded by a warm, hazy comfort. Even as she was tempted to sink deeper into the softness surrounding her, alarm bells began ringing in her head. Instead of coarse tree bark digging into her skin and rough rope wrapped around her to anchor her in place, she felt cozy. The unfamiliar sensation was jarring enough to send adrenaline coursing through her body. Something wasn’t right. Her hand reached down for the knife she always kept strapped to her leg, and she started to panic when her fingers brushed against skin instead of the firm hilt of the knife. When she felt a sudden movement next to her, Elise jumped to her feet, ready to fight.

Well, she tried to jump to her feet. Instead of executing a graceful, stealthy leap, she found herself flailing, tangled in a bed sheet. Full blown panic took over, and she began to struggle in earnest. Realizing one end of the fabric was anchored to the bed, she began to grapple with the end of the sheet which was wrapped around her, trying desperately to free herself. 

Trying to calm her panic, she worked to tear herself free from her confines. “ _ It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. You’re still alive. You’re still breathing and you will get out of this,” _ she reassured herself, even as a more primal voice was screaming in her head, “ _ Where are you? What happened? How could you be so stupid as to let yourself get trapped?” _ When Elise felt cool air brush over her leg, she knew she was close to freeing herself.

She kicked her legs harder and tried to throw herself out of the last bit of sheet restraining her. Her stomach lurched when she abruptly tumbled off the bed onto the hardwood floor, but she quickly recovered. She managed to execute the graceful leap to her feet she’d been trying for before, and stood ready for attack. As she took stock of the situation, her hands itched for the familiar comfort of her knives, but she’d have to make do without them. There was an exit to her left. She began to move toward it, keeping her back to the wall so no one could sneak up behind her.

From the bed, Negan watched Elise closely. He had awakened when she started struggling under the blankets, but had been reluctant to say anything and risk scaring her into hurting either herself or him. She seemed awake now, though not fully aware of her surroundings. “ _ Hell of a wake up call _ ,” he thought as he rubbed a hand over his eyes and considered his options for responding. It looked like she was having some kind of panic attack, and he wanted to bring her out of it as quickly and as safely as possible. First order of action would be to ground her back in reality. He called out to her in a gravelly voice, “Easy sunshine, you’re all right.”

Elise was startled by the sound of his voice, finally swinging her attention towards him. She was crouched down in a position that gave her a low center of balance and her hands were up ready to fight. The threatening aura she gave off was somewhat undermined by the fact she was naked. She looked absolutely stunning in the early morning light peeking in through the window. 

He knew he shouldn’t be turned on right now, but the sight of her, clearly capable of kicking some ass made his dick twitch. He shook himself to get his head on straight and focused on what mattered. The previous night’s end to his epically long dry spell had his hormones raging like a teenage boy getting tongued for the first time. He could indulge his lascivious thoughts about the gorgeous woman in front of him when she wasn’t freaking out. . Fortunately, he was well-versed in keeping himself under control and focusing on the needs of others. It was practically a prerequisite for any dom worth their salt.

“Elise, honey, it’s okay. You’re safe here,” he called out again. He spoke in low, soothing tones and tried to make it clear he wasn’t a threat. “Just take some deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth, if you can.” 

Elise heard the man speak, but his words didn’t fully register. All she knew was she was naked, unarmed, and there was a potential enemy in the room with her. The situation was bad, all around. The voice continued speaking, while her overwrought brain struggled to process what it was saying.

“Elise, you’re upstairs in my very safe house. Remember? Nothin’ here is gonna hurt you. Keep takin’ those deep breaths for me and try and remember how you got here. Everything is okay, you don’t need to worry.” Negan continued talking to her in a soothing tone, and carefully watched her from his position on the bed. He could see her starting to return to herself as her eyes flew to him and he saw recognition begin to register in her gaze.

Elise stared at the man across the room, his presence slowly but surely becoming less frightening. If anything, her body seemed to begin to relax slightly as she studied him.  _ Negan _ . The name popped into her head and with it, hazy memories of the events from the day before. He’d saved her from the herd and brought her back to his too-good-to-be-true house. He’d fed her and comforted her and …  _ Oh dear God I slept with him. _ The memory of what had happened the night before was coming back crystal clear. “ _ And it felt really good,” _ a small voice piped up in the back of her mind. Realizing she had chosen to be in the bedroom with him and she wasn’t in danger, she let out the huge breath which had been caught in her chest. 

“Good, that’s good honey. You’re doin’ so well.” A rich, deep voice broke through her thoughts, ordering, “I want you to name five objects you see in this room Elise.” 

She narrowed her eyes in confusion at the request. The words themselves were understandable, but she didn’t know why he was asking her to do it. “Why?” she finally asked, unable to figure out the answer for herself.

Negan was impressed by how quickly she regained her composure after coming through the panic attack, and was also amused by the blunt question. “Well, you were havin’ a panic attack,” he casually explained. “And namin’ things can help pull you out of it. It anchors you to the present and forces you to focus on something other than your feelings.” 

“I wasn’t having a panic attack,” she immediately denied. “It was just a reflex. I’m not used to waking up with someone next to me.” The words sounded unconvincing, even to her own ears, but damn if she was going to admit to being so broken after she’d made herself so vulnerable with him the night before. She’d let him see enough of her, and she wanted to regain some control. 

“Same thing used to happen to me when I first got off the road,” he replied conversationally, stretching the truth just a tad. He’d been plagued by nightmares more than anything, but he didn’t want her to feel self-conscious about what had just happened. He knew better than to challenge her claim it wasn’t a panic attack. It would be a futile argument. The important thing was to help calm her down. “It takes a bit to adjust to not bein’ out there, constantly vulnerable.” 

She nodded in acknowledgement of his words, but didn’t respond otherwise. She gestured to the nearby pile of her clothing and muttered, “I’m just going to…” she trailed off but couldn’t hide her discomfort at standing completely naked in front of him in the light of day. It was one thing to have revealed her body to him the night before when they were both caught up in the heat of the moment and the room masked them in shadow. Standing here now, completely uncovered and open to his scrutiny was unnerving. The feeling was only compounded by the abrupt way she had woken up. She silently prayed for the floor to swallow her up so she could get away from his piercing gaze.

Negan nodded in understanding. “Yeah, of course. Get dressed and cleaned up, and I’ll work on whippin’ us up some breakfast. I’ve got some eggs I can cook. You like em’ fried or scrambled?” The moment was tense, and a little awkward, but Negan had never been one to be cowed by awkwardness. Given the frequency his bluntness made others feel awkward, he’d become well acquainted with maneuvering through moments like these. Granted, his version of maneuvering usually entailed either doubling down or introducing a completely different brand of awkward to the conversation. He liked to keep people off balance and was comfortable with being uncomfortable. He was also more than capable of setting people at ease when he wanted to, which is where he put his focus now.

Elise shrugged at him and he bit back his urge to push her to speak when spoken to. Now was not the time to push her about anything. “Chef’s choice then,” he noted agreeably as he stepped out of the bed and towards his clothes. He saw Elise’s gaze immediately shift to his naked body and he couldn’t help teasing her a little bit by stretching his hands above his head and putting himself on better display. 

Elise stared as Negan flexed his body. She’d become well-acquainted with the planes of his muscles and disarming good looks the night before, but she could make out even greater detail of his strong physique in the early morning light. He was attractive and obviously knew it. He oozed confidence, clearly comfortable in his own skin. She envied his ability to be completely at ease with himself in any situation. Staring at his muscular arms as he leaned down to pick up his clothes, she remembered how good it felt to have them wrapped around her. He winked at her, prompting her to quickly turn her back to him and begin pulling on her clothes. 

Negan grinned at Elise’s reaction to being caught watching him. She certainly hadn’t been shy about looking at him the night before. Dressing quickly, he moved toward the door, calling back over his shoulder, “Come downstairs for breakfast when you’re ready. You’re gonna love my huevos, doll.” She was so easy to tease, and he loved the way she responded to his jibes. 

  
  


As Negan pushed the four eggs he was scrambling around in the hot pan, taking care not to let them burn, he reflected on the events the previous night. Getting a taste of her had made him realize he’d been starving and he wanted more. He was going to have to take things slow though, and ease her into the deeper waters. Everything had felt so right. It was like riding a bike. As soon as there was a naked woman in his room, he’d fallen back into the familiar rhythms of the good old days, and it had been nice to get a piece of himself back. Everything felt better when he was able to take charge of things. 

When they were fucking, the outside world had fallen away, and his entire reality had consisted only of him and Elise. God, he’d missed being with a woman, exerting his control and focusing his attention on making her feel good. 

In contrast, the morning had gotten off to a rough start, but he’d get things back on track with breakfast. Quiet footsteps approached him from behind, and he prepared himself to put on a charm offensive. He was good at morning afters and he was determined to set Elise at ease. “Perfect timin’, doll. I’ve got some scrambled eggs and tomatoes ready to go. Breakfast of champions.” He turned over his shoulder to give her another wink before plating the food and setting one down in front of her and taking a seat across the table from her.

Elise looked down at the plate, avoiding eye contact, but he wasn’t discouraged. Judging by her reactions and the few words he’d been able to pull out of her in the heat of the moment, it was clear what’d they’d done last night had been something of a revelation for her. She’d enjoyed submitting to him when he prompted her and had responded so fucking beautifully to him. Being dominated was obviously new to her, and it would be important to reassure her there was nothing wrong with what they’d done, and more importantly, there was nothing wrong with enjoying it. He took a bite of eggs and then checked in with her, “You doin’ okay sweetheart? I know a lot happened last night and I can imagine it’s a lot to process. It’s okay if you’ve got some questions. I’m happy to answer them.” 

Elise remained silent, pushing her food around her plate but not actually eating. The last thing she wanted was to rehash the events of last night. Sitting here across from him now, she felt a wave of shame for how she’d acted the night before. How could she have given up control like that? Begging him to fuck her, begging him to let her cum, doing everything he said, and then reveling in pleasing him. Any respect he may have had for her was surely long gone. 

She’d needed him in the moment, and sex had been a perfect way to distract herself from the dark thoughts threatening to consume her, but she hadn’t intended for things to unfold the way they had. She definitely didn’t have any interest in talking about it. She could admit to herself it had been fun, but she didn’t want him thinking she was some weak-willed damsel ready to do whatever he said. She needed to show him she wasn’t someone he could push around. 

It had been a fun night, a much needed reprieve from the world outside, but getting a brief taste of what things could be like if she stayed here was making the prospect of leaving much more difficult. When she’d agreed to tag along with Negan, she would have never imagined she would be tempted to stay longer than it took for the threat of the herd to pass. That was before she had seen his phenomenal set up. The house felt like the perfect sanctuary from the hellscape outside. Part of her desperately wanted to stay with him and hide away from the dangers of the world, but another part wanted to run far away from the man who had made her act so out of character. He’d made her weak in a world where weakness was a death sentence. Strangely, she also felt safe here, and the paradox was giving her a headache.

“I have to confess, I was shocked as hell when you kissed me.” Negan kept his tone light and teasing, trying to ease her into talking about what had happened between them before she sank any deeper into whatever mood was causing the look of consternation on her face.

Elise glared at him, unamused with the game he was playing. Maybe she had kissed him first, but he’d spent the entire day trying to lay moves on her. “Oh don’t act like you didn’t lead me right into that kiss,” she snapped.

Negan’s head whipped back dramatically at her sudden vitriol. “I didn’t,” he defended, keeping a steady tone. Thinking through the events from the day before, he tried to figure out what had prompted her misconception. Sure, he’d flirted, and teased her a bit, but she’d given as good as she had gotten. He’d been careful not to pressure her, and made sure she knew he had no expectations for anything sexual. Her accusation made him wonder what he’d missed. “You’re the one who propositioned me, doll.”

“Bullshit,” Elise spat, frustration hardening into anger and pulling her face into a fierce scowl. “You flirted with me from the minute you barged into that house. Slipping innuendo and suggestive comments into all our conversations. Calling me every kind of pet name under the sun.”

“I wasn’t tryin’ to flirt. I just-”

“So, what? It’s some kind of deeply ingrained personality flaw?” Elise cut across him. She wanted to hurt him, and let him know the control he had exerted over her had been short-lived. She wouldn’t show weakness. Showing weakness got you hurt, got you killed. She wasn’t weak.

Negan clenched his jaw and exhaled deeply before cocking his head with a smirk. “You truly have a way with words. Anyone ever tell you you really know how to sweet-talk a guy?”

“I’m not trying to sweet-talk you. I’m trying to figure out what your deal is.” Her thoughts were frenzied; she had so many questions rolling around in her head. Why had he saved her? Why did he bring her back here and treat her so nicely? Why fuck her like he cared when all she’d been asking for was a quick and dirty distraction? And why was he pretending like she had been the seductress, when he had sounded like he’d been trying to seduce her from the get-go?

Negan considered her challenge. Her tone was combative and he wanted to de-escalate the situation so he could better figure out what was really going on in her head. He’d been trying to do the right thing since he first clapped eyes on her, dammit, but she was treating him like the bad guy. He was missing something and he was determined to figure out what. “My deal is, I haven’t exactly had the chance to talk to anyone in a long fuckin’ time so excuse me if I’m a little fuckin’ rusty at it. I’m just doin’ what I remember workin’.”

Elise felt her stomach suddenly clench in shame. Negan had been so helpful, both yesterday and this morning after she’d woken up. Hell, she was sitting here eating the breakfast he’d cooked. She’d seen the scars littered across his body last night, so she knew he’d clearly been through hardships too. And by the sounds of it, he’d been on his own for a long time. Probably longer than she had been. The sympathy starting to pour into her was at odds with the black hole of pain and confusion in the pit of her stomach. She was out of sorts, her emotions swinging wildly from one extreme to the other and she couldn’t stop herself from lashing out at him. She wanted to stay, but didn’t know how to ask. It was easier to give into the anger and let it choose her words. 

“What you remember working... God I would have hated you if we’d met before the world went to shit.” 

Negan shook his head back and forth, almost as if he’d been slapped. “Why the fuck would you say that?” Elise was clearly pissed, but he was having a hard time making sense of her venom. He wondered if he had made a mistake bringing her back to his safe haven. 

“Because it’s true. You would have been everything I found repulsive. All swagger and no filter, spewing out dirty comments because it’s all just a game to you, going from one conquest to the next.”

Negan wanted to question her sarcastically about how she could tell he’d had a lot of “conquests”, but he knew the better path forward would be to calm things down before this turned into a full-blown fight. Still, he couldn’t help but be offended by her summation of his character and the obvious lie about her response to him.

“Hell of a conclusion to come to,” he retorted calmly. “You’re so sure you know everything about me, huh?”

“Oh, I know exactly who you are,” Elise spat. She studied him, her expression reflecting disdain. 

“You really don’t, doll. But maybe you will if you stick around long enough...” 

Elise narrowed her eyes at him, angry at him for dangling an invitation to stay without actually offering it. If he expected her to beg for a place here, he had another thing coming. 

Negan could almost feel the anger radiating off of her. If looks could kill, he’d be well on his way to shuffling around with the dead ones outside. “Easy there, doll. You are looking at me like I shit in your scrambled eggs, and that's not gonna work. I made you a fuckin’ delicious breakfast after savin’ you from a huge fuckin’ goddamn herd. You remember any of that?” Elise made no move to acknowledge his words. This silent treatment thing was one of a many things currently vying for the top spot of his Fix It list. First, he’d address her disrespect. 

He took a bite of his eggs and considered his next words carefully. Pointing at her with his fork, he continued, “I get that you are experiencing some very real and difficult feelings, but you are gonna need to find a more productive way to deal with it. Just because you don’t know how to process your emotions doesn’t mean I’ll let you lash out at me. If I’ve done something to upset you, tell me and I’ll see what I can do to fix it. If I can. And if I can’t, we can talk about it and figure out the best path forward.” There. He’d responded calmly and reasonably, refusing to take her bait. He hoped she’d be able to calm down enough to work through whatever had her panties in a twist.

Elise pushed her plate away, her appetite gone. It was clear Negan was trying to gain control of the situation and by extension, her. From the moment she’d met him, he’d been fighting her for control. Sneaking up on her, taking her weapons, making her beg him for release. And she’d given in every time, she realized. He was going to keep pushing until he’d taken everything from her and she couldn’t let it happen. 

She looked across the table at him, ready to pick up where she’d left off, but the look of concern on his face stopped her short and made her rethink some things. A lot of what he’d done for her had nothing to do with power. He’d saved her from the herd and from the walker trying to eat her face. He’d brought her back to his safe house, let her clean up, fed her, given her fresh clothes, and let her rest. All without asking for a single thing in return. He’d held her when she was breaking down and then fucked her exactly as she’d needed. And yeah, maybe things had shifted so he was in the driver’s seat during sex, but he’d been kind and considerate. Everything he’d done was something she had either asked for or agreed to. All of it had been enjoyable. More than enjoyable. And the few times she’d told him she was uncomfortable, he’d stopped without hesitation or recrimination.

Fuck. What was she doing, trying to tear him down? Every day in the apocalypse brought with it lessons to be wary of the monsters around her, both dead and alive. They had been important lessons, but she was starting to understand now how deeply they had warped her thinking. Maybe Negan wasn’t the power-hungry monster she was trying to convince herself he was. Maybe he was just a man who had done an awful lot for her and happened to be a little kinky.

Negan watched as Elise sank into her seat, all signs of anger leaving her. He echoed her body language and sat back in his chair too. “You gonna tell me what’s goin’ on now, doll? Or do I need to guess?” 

The woman staring across the table looked so lost. He would have more pity if she hadn’t just spent the entirety of breakfast flinging shit at him. “I just…” she trailed off, searching for the right words. “I am not weak, Negan.”

Hearing her assertion, things started sliding into place for Negan and he began to better understand the motivation behind her malevolence. “I know you’re not, doll. I’ve seen how you handle yourself.”

She nodded her head, bolstered by his immediate affirmation. “I don’t… I don’t want to go back out there” she admitted, shrugging her shoulders and biting her lip after she said it, unsure how he would react, if he would be willing to let her stay given the way she’d acted the night before and this morning.

“So don’t.” He said it as if the decision was the simplest thing in the world.

“Just like that?” she asked, voice hesitant as she tested his sincerity.

“Yeah, just like that. Do you think I’d bring you all the way here just so I could dump you back out there after one night?”

He shook his head in disbelief as he watched Elise consider his words, her uncertainty written all over her. “Fuck me, we’re really gonna have to work on our communication skills, doll. I thought I’d been clear from the start, but apparently I wasn’t clear enough. You are welcome here as long as you want to stay.”

“Ok,” she agreed in a quiet voice, relief flooding through her. She really wasn’t going to have to go back out there. She’d get to stay here where there was hot water, soft beds, plenty of food, and a man who seemed to have been able to retain his kindness, despite his hardships. She stood up from the table, needing more space to process what was happening.

Negan also stood and crossed the room to share in the happy moment. “Ok? Fan-fuckin’-tastic! You’ve been workin’ so hard just tryin’ to survive. Time to start livin’, Elise.”

Elise went quiet again, not quite able to believe what was happening. It seemed too simple and good to be real. The primal part of her brain started calling out to her again. She’d only been here for a day. This could still be a trap. The worries she’d had about Negan wanting to control her started creeping back in and couldn’t stop the question racing through her mind from escaping her lips. “Are you going to be something else I have to survive?” 

Negan felt his chest constrict at her question and he reached out to gently stroke her face. Elise leaned into the touch and he took it as a sign it would be okay to pull her closer for her hug. He wanted to hold her, and reassure her she was safe. If he was being completely honest with himself, he also needed the reassurance she was real and would be staying. 

She remained tense for a few seconds and then relaxed into his embrace, not wrapping her arms around him, but burrowing her head against his chest. He squeezed her tightly and leaned down to whisper in her ear, “No, doll. I am not that man. You and me are gonna survive this shit together.” 

Elise nodded against his chest, a small, wary part of her uncomfortable with having his arms wrapped around her, but a much bigger part of her enjoying how good it felt. They stayed wrapped around each other for a few quiet moments, neither willing to break apart. 

Her mind wasn’t able to relax for long, though. All too soon, worry began to overtake her again. What would it mean if she stayed? Would he want to have sex again? Did she want to have sex again? She knew the answer ...a resounding yes... but she also knew it would be a bad idea. They didn’t know each other very well and trying to share a living space was difficult under the best of circumstances, let alone during the apocalypse. The sex had been good, but she didn’t want to allow herself to get caught up in base desire again. It would make things too complicated, too fast, and she’d never been great with complications. 

Decision made, she stepped back from him and looked up to meet his gaze. “Thank you. But there is one condition. I can’t sleep with you again. It was a one time thing.” Her voice was firm and confident as she tried to convey she wasn’t open to negotiation on the matter.

Negan cocked his head, but didn’t try to argue. “Whatever you say, doll.” The words were flippant, but his tone wasn’t. He had no intentions of sleeping with her again until her communication skills improved. Right now she was too erratic and they needed to get to know each other and learn to trust each other before jumping back into bed together. If taking sex off the table was what she needed to feel comfortable with staying, he’d happily agree.

“I’m serious,” she said, wanting to be sure he understood.

“I know you are, doll,” he reassured her, his tongue poking out to lick the edge of his lips as they curled into a smile. “No sleepin’ together. I hear you loud and clear.”

“I need you to do more than hear me,” she insisted firmly. “Say you agree. Agree and I’ll stay.”

Negan didn’t point out she’d already agreed to stay, which he thought was very fucking big of him. “Cross my heart, darlin’, I won’t try and start anything.” It was technically true. He would honor his word and avoid initiating anything sexual, but once she was in a better headspace and they’d learned more about each other, he knew he’d have her begging for his cock again. They had fit together, intimately, in a way he hadn’t experienced in ages. Experience had sharpened his ability to read people and he was confident in his instincts when they told him Elise was someone he wanted in his life. He was certain with time and trust, the spark between them would grow even hotter. He was going to take such good care of her. And when they finally came together again, all of her self-imposed barriers would be gone. She’d give him every fucking bit of herself.

* * *

After their talk, Negan and Elise returned to their breakfast. The atmosphere was a bit subdued, but Negan wasn’t one for long silences, so he managed to fill the void by sharing what he’d learned about raising chickens. He kept a few roosters around to fertilize eggs, but also as a source of food. It’d taken him some time to figure out how to keep them all protected from owls and hawks, but the coops he’d built and the CDs he’d strung up around their fenced in foraging areas had done the trick. 

Elise listened attentively, but didn’t offer up much in the way of conversation. Fortunately, Negan was more than capable of carrying the bulk of a conversation himself.

After breakfast she helped clean the dishes before Negan gave her a more thorough run-down of how he kept things running on the compound. “Since you’re stayin’, you’re gonna need to know how all this works,” he’d told her, making the information seem like a gift. It was a surprising amount of work and he was very clearly pleased to have a second pair of hands around to help out.

They’d drifted to different parts of the compound for the rest of the day. Feeling as if she needed some space to sort out the events of the last twenty-four hours, Elise kept herself busy weeding the garden and cleaning the chicken coop outside, while Negan did some generator and weapon maintenance inside. He made dinner when the sun started to set, and seemed pleased when Elise chose to eat with him, instead of in her room as she had the night before. He questioned her about how she’d spent her day, and she answered as best she could, finding conversation difficult. Negan’s personality was a bit overwhelming, his incessant chatter starting to wear on her frayed nerves. 

The reality of having a safe place to stay was still sinking in, along with living with a man she barely knew. After traveling by herself in the desolation and quiet of the world outside, it was strange to have such a huge personality in her space. With him, in this place, it was almost as if things were normal, if not a bit noisy. It felt a bit jarring. 

When they finished putting the last of the dinner dishes away, she pointed to the door, letting him know she was going to get some air. Negan seemed to pick up on the fact she needed some space and simply nodded his head towards one of the blankets on the nearby couch and told her she was welcome to take it out with her.

Elise smiled in thanks, grabbed the blanket and went out to the front porch. She made her way over to the rocking chair in the far corner, looking out over the garden area she’d spent a good chunk of the day weeding. The night air had just a hint of a chill in it and she was glad Negan had suggested she’d bring a blanket with her. It wasn’t surprising he knew she’d need it, nor was it surprising he’d suggested she take it with her, looking out for her as he had from the moment they’d met. She wrapped it around herself and curled her legs up so her knees were against her chest. The chair rocked slowly back and forth, in a smooth and comforting rhythm. 

She looked out over the grassy yard in front of her, the fence around the perimeter of the compound blocking her view of the world beyond the sanctuary she somehow found herself in. A cool breeze danced through the air and she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself. The stars were out and she searched the night sky for her favorite constellations just as she’d done so many nights before, high up in the tree branches when she was only able to see the dark night’s canvas in small, broken pieces. 

Aquila was always the first shape she sought out, the great eagle who had carried Ganymede up to Mount Olympus to leave behind his life with the humans so he could live amongst the Gods. How many times had she imagined the eagle swooping down and carrying her away, too? 

As she searched for the distinctive v-shaped line of stars in the Milky Way band, her mind refused to focus on the task at hand and she instead became distracted by thoughts of Negan and the fact he was allowing her to stay. It seemed impossible a place like this could exist, hidden away from the world, in an almost incomprehensible bubble of peace. Her new haven seemed too good to be true, and she half-expected to wake up tomorrow tired, hungry, and cold, just barely surviving and disappointed to find all of this had been nothing more than a dream. 

Negan’s house felt safe in a way no place had since the dead started walking and the feeling weighed uncomfortably on her, like a favorite sweater which no longer fit. Feeling safe was no longer something she knew how to process. 

More than feeling uneasy, she also felt guilty. The guilt and shame always hounded her, but it struck hardest in the quiet moments like this when she had time and space to relax and let her mind drift. It wasn’t fair she was here now, living safely, protected behind the walls of Negan’s compound, while other survivors were stuck suffering. And the people she’d lost? They should be here now. She sat and rocked as she tried to fight back the dark thoughts which always seemed to haunt her, but it was impossible when she could still hear the voices from her past cutting through her memories.

First it was her mother, screaming at her to run, and then just screaming in pain. Then came the desperate howls of terror from the first group she’d been with. Eduardo, Tanya, Joel, and Ivan. Finally, the voice she dreaded most. Her brother. She felt tears prick at her eyes as she heard his pleas over and over again, and she felt as helpless now as she’d been in the moment.

The front door opened, startling her back to the here and now and saving her from the echoes of her past. She anxiously wiped at her eyes and turned to see Negan walking outside. She was grateful for the interruption. 

“Hey, doll. Just checkin’ on you. You’ve been out here for a while. Everything okay?” He walked over to stand in front of her and couldn’t help but notice the wetness around her eyes.

She tried to subtly compose herself before answering, but had a feeling Negan saw right through her. “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for checking. I was just thinking…” She trailed off and hoped he would leave her be. She was reeling from the onslaught of memories and guilt and didn’t want him to see her struggling. Again.

Negan kept his gaze on the yard stretching out in front of them, but the nature of her thoughts must have been all too apparent because he replied “Looks like it was a hell of a rabbit hole you dropped down.”

Elise took another deep breath and tried to give him a sardonic smile, but it came out as more than a grimace. “You could say that,” she agreed. She stood up from the rocking chair and walked over to the small set of stairs leading to the yard below. Negan followed after her, and despite the fact she’d come outside to get away from him, she found she didn’t mind so much. She was actually grateful for his company.

“Wanna talk about it?” Negan asked, knowing her answer, but wanting to check anyway. As he knew she would, Elise shook her head. At some point she was going to have to talk about some of the things she had bottled up inside her. Otherwise they’d continue to eat at her. “Fair enough. How about some company then?” 

Elise considered the offer. She didn’t really want to be alone right now and there was something about Negan she found comforting. Maybe it was just the novelty of being around another human who didn’t wish her any harm, but it didn’t seem so simple. The way he spoke and constantly asked questions drove her crazy, but his presence felt solid and safe in ways she didn’t fully understand. She scooted over on the step to make room for him, and held out the blanket she had draped around her so it could fit across his shoulders too, admitting, “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

Negan was surprised she wanted him to stay. After the way things had played out in the morning, she had seemed determined to keep her distance from him. It was gratifying to see his attempts to make her feel comfortable were paying off. He sat down on the step next to her, leaving an inch or two between them. He enjoyed having someone to share his evening with after spending so many by himself. His gaze moved across the yard before settling on Elise. It was clear there was something on her mind begging to come out. He waited her out, betting if he gave her space, she’d start talking. 

Elise was uncomfortable sitting so close to him, even though she’d been the one to invite him to sit. It was still disorienting to be so close to someone, especially someone she knew quite intimately, but yet hardly knew at all. Their discussion about abstaining from sex felt like a wall between them. She was both grateful for it and frustrated by it, feeling as if her own edict was preventing her from enjoying the comfort of having him close. She held herself stiffly but gradually relaxed as Negan made no move to do anything other than sit next to her and keep her company. His presence kept the worst of her thoughts at bay, but the wheels in her head were still spinning.

Negan patiently waited, trying to give her space to gather her thoughts. After a few minutes of silence, she proved him right. “Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked in a quiet voice, as if she couldn’t quite believe she dared to say it out loud. “To be cozied up in here when you know what it’s like out there? What people are going through?”

It was a strange question, but it told him quite a bit about her. “Yeah, it fuckin’ bothers me, but I can’t save everyone. And I learned some hard lessons about trustin’ people and invitin’ them into a place you’re tryin’ to keep safe, on my way down here.” 

Elise was willing to bet some of those lessons had come with scars as souvenirs. “You saved me though,” she challenged him, curious as to why he felt she would be different. “And you’re letting me stay.” She still couldn’t quite believe it was true, and some of her uncertainty leaked into her voice.

“Yeah,” Negan immediately affirmed. “But there’s no ‘letting’. I fuckin’ want you to stay, okay? I want you here. You have a place here.”

Elise turned her head to look at him, trying to understand why he would possibly want her here. Negan didn’t really know her and she hadn’t exactly been the picture of stability since they’d arrived at his house. “Why me?” she questioned, wanting to better understand why she was the chosen one.

It was a good question. Negan had seen people in the woods before. Not many, but she wasn’t the first. The others hadn’t been in imminent danger, though, and they’d seemed to be doing just fine on their own. Even if they had been in danger, he had the uncomfortable suspicion he still wouldn't have stepped in. So why her? He shook his head, mouth opening and then closing again, no answer coming to him. 

It was the first time Elise had seen him at a loss for words. “I had to,” he replied. “I saw you out there tyin’ yourself to a tree to sleep and fightin’ so hard to keep going. I just had to.”

Elise nodded, turning to look out over the yard. He was right, she had fought so hard to get to where she was right now, to stay alive. But he didn’t know the things she’d had to do to get this far. The choices she’d made and all her mistakes hung heavy on her conscience. If he knew, he probably would have left her out there. He’d figure it out eventually though. He was smart and way too perceptive. It was only a matter of time before he saw her for who she really was, and regretted asking her to stay.

She dropped her gaze to her feet, her bare toes standing out against the dark wood of the steps as she confessed. “You shouldn’t have brought me here. I’m not worth it. I am broken, Negan. I’m broken and you should have let those things swallow me up yesterday.”

A finger touched her chin and gently tilted her head up to meet rich brown eyes which held compassion, but no judgment. 

“Darlin’, there ain’t a person alive right now who’s not busted all to hell. Yeah you’re broken. Who isn’t at this point in the game? But you keep fuckin’ goin’ and I respect the hell outta that.” 

“You don’t seem very broken,” Elise pointed out. From the moment she’d met him he seemed nothing but confident and strong. A little manic, maybe, but certainly not someone this world had beaten down.

Negan released her chin and rocked his head side to side before giving a little shrug of his shoulders. “I’ve been able to put myself back together pretty well. I was a wreck when I first got here, though. I can tell you, I went through some shit, doll. Maybe not the same kind of shit you did, but shit nonetheless.”

He paused, considering exactly what he should tell her. He didn’t want to make her even more morose, but it would probably help her to hear some of what he’d been through. It had taken tremendous violence to be granted this measure of peace. “You know, I lost my wife right at the start of all this. I fought like hell to get down here. Did things I’m not proud of, saw things I won’t ever forget.” He was trying to model how to talk about distressing topics to encourage her to stop holding on to everything so tightly. If he trusted her with some of his shit, maybe she’d start sharing, and work through some of her own.

Elise felt the weight of his words sink in as the reality of his experiences, and what he had suffered, became clearer. She finally leaned against him, conveying her understanding of his pain in the only way she knew how. Negan wrapped his arm around her, and she hoped he could sense the words of comfort she didn’t yet know how to say. When he squeezed her shoulder, she knew he did.

“It took a long time, but I built myself back up. You’ll do the same.” The confidence with which he said it lit a small spark of hope within Elise. She stared out into the night, unsure of how to respond. 

“You know what you’re feelin’ right now is completely normal, right doll? There’d be somethin’ wrong with you if you didn’t wonder why you were the one to make it this far. The people out there who don’t question why they made it are the ones who worry me. You? You’re just a normal fuckin’ person with a conscience.” He watched her processing his words out of the corner of his eye. She looked so fucking serious and concerned. Attempting to lighten the mood, he leaned his shoulder into her, making her sway to the side as he joked, “It’s tough shit bein’ a decent person, ain’t it?”

Caught off guard, but able to regain her balance quickly, Elise bit back a small smile and pushed back against him with her own shoulder in retaliation. Negan was good at drawing her out of her dark thoughts, but a few of them were very persistent. “Just because it’s normal to think about doesn’t mean I’m a good person, that I was the one who should’ve made it.” 

Sadness leaked into each of her words. Negan wished he could carry some of the burden for her until she was able to erase her doubts from her mind for good. Knowing from experience there was no shortcut, he continued talking her through everything she was struggling with. 

“Survivor’s guilt is a hell of a thing, huh? The way it gets in your head and tells you you don’t deserve to be the one who made it.”

“Is that what it’s like for you, too?” Elise asked, curious if he truly understood the weight she was carrying.

“Some days, yeah,” he admitted, not wanting to sugar coat it. 

It was strange how much it helped, knowing someone else struggled with the same things she was struggling with and seemed to have come through it okay. Negan had just offered a big piece of himself up to her and Elise wanted to offer something in return. “Negan, I’m sorry for this morning. I know you’re doing a lot for me and I appreciate it. I just… I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know how to be around people anymore,” she confessed.

“It’s okay, doll,” Negan accepted her apology with grace. “We’re still gettin’ to know each other. This is just growin’ pains. It’s gonna take us both some time to adjust.” Negan considered her for a minute before continuing. It warmed something deep inside him to see her opening up to him, even in this small way.

“People aren’t meant to be alone, Elise. And fuck me, I’ve been on my own for a while.” 

Loneliness had been seeping into him the way blood soaks into cotton from the moment he got to the cabin and found no sign of Bear. The weight of it was a constant ache he couldn’t shake or forget. Even now, the echo of it tore at him. “From the looks of it, so have you.” He ran his hand up and down her arm, craving physical reassurance she was real. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Elise reached over to wrap her hand around his. “Me too, Negan.” They remained huddled together on the steps for a few peaceful minutes. Neither of them spoke, both lost in a feeling of gratitude for not being alone. 

A gust of wind blew through the compound, breaking up their quiet moment as it kissed their bare skin with icy promises of a coming winter. When Elise shivered in response, Negan knew it was time to call it a night.

“Well, I’m beat and I know you’ve had a long day, doll. What do you say we turn in?” Feeling her nod against him, he moved to stand up and help her to her feet. Heading back inside and up the stairs, they said goodnight to each other before walking into their respective bedrooms. 

As Elise laid in her warm, comfortable bed with her head resting on a fluffy pillow, and soft sheets wrapped around her, she couldn’t help but wish she had the solid and comforting weight of Negan next to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to the amazing CLADD for being the most incredible beta. If you enjoyed anything in this chapter it's because of her diligent, generous, and brilliant work to make it readable.


End file.
